How are you?
If God would appear in your dream and ask one thing you want Him to do, what would you ask Him?
In all honesty, I once expected Jesus to visit me in person or me to go to the third Heaven. As I got hungry for more of God, and sometimes listened to or watched prophecy or others’ testimonies, I wanted to have those spectacular experiences. As He showed me short visions and dreams, and made me smell the fragrance of Jesus, after the Holy Spirit baptism, I sort of expected and longed for His manifestation. Actually, there are many prophets or teachers who encourage people to expect them or even teach how to visualize Jesus and so on. But, thankfully I learned through Pastor John Fenn’s teachings that Jesus said to him in person that they are erroneous. And Pastor John wrote and said that he never asked Him to visit him. Everything is initiated by God, not us. It is actually in line with Derek Prince’ teachings, too. I’m grateful, as the Father led me to balanced and right teachings through them, away from those erroneous teachings. And my heart is longing for having Abba’s heart, not those spectacular experiences, WOW moments. I would often say to the Father, “Father, I want You to transplant Your heart into me.” Though it may not happen in a blink of an eye, I believe He would answer my prayer.
One day when I was reading a Watchman Nee’s book, Worship God, a lady’s story simply hit me:
worship comes only from seeing. It does not come because we see doctrine. It is revelation. Praise and worship is something objective, thanksgiving is something subjective. Know the Father and the heart will be filled with joy. Know God and the heart will be filled with glory. Glory cannot be explained, but those who see God know what glory is. Let me illustrate this with an experience from the life of Mrs. Jessie Penn-Lewis. From her biography we learn that she was seeking for the enduement of power from on high. “Then two or three searching questions were put to me by the Spirit of God. The first was: ‘If I answer your cry, are you willing to be unpopular?’ Unpopular! Be rejected? Well yes, I am willing. I have never faced it before, but I am willing. Why did I desire the fullness of the Spirit? Was it for success in service, and that I should be considered a muchused worker? Would I desire the same fullness of the Spirit if it meant apparent failure, and becoming the off-scouring of all things in the eyes of others? This had not occurred to me before, and I quickly agreed to any conditions the Lord should please to set before me. “Again came the question:—Would I be willing to have no great experience, but agree to live and walk entirely by faith in the Word of God? ... Yes! These were the questions put to me by God, and then the matter dropped. “Then came the climax, when one morning I awoke, and lo, I beheld before me a hand holding up in terrible light a handful of filthy rags, whilst a gentle voice said: ‘This is the outcome of all our past service for God.’ ‘But Lord, I have been surrendered and consecrated to thee all these years: It was consecrated work!’ ‘Yes, my child, but all your service has been consecrated self: the outcome of your own energy: your own plans for winning souls: your own devotion. All for Me, I grant you, but yourself, all the same.’ “The unveiling was truly a horror to me, and brought me in deep abasement to the Blood of Christ for cleansing. Then came the still, small voice once more, and this time it was the one little word— ‘Crucified’! “Crucified—what did it mean? I had not asked to be crucified, but to be filled. But now Romans 6.6-11 became a power to me, and I knew the meaning of ‘our old man was crucified with Him . . .’and what Paul meant in his words, ‘crucified with Christ’ (Gal. 2.20).
After reading this, I became serious, and I asked the same questions to me:
If He would answer my cry (i.e. giving His heart to me), am I willing to be unpopular and even rejected? Would I be willing to have no great experience, but agree to live and walk entirely by faith in the Word of God?
At that night, I knelt down on my bed, and said to the Father, “Father, I am willing to be unpopular or misunderstood. I am willing to have no great experience, no WOW moment. I would not expect Jesus to visit me in person, nor would expect Your manifested presence. I just want to have Your heart in me.” I did mean it, and I began to have such peace since then.
In Pastor John Fenn’s teaching on holiness, he shared Jesus’ asking “Why are you doing what you’re doing?” He sees our motives. Holiness is transparency and has no ulterior motives just like the Father, and our Lord, Jesus. It spoke to me much, and I started to ask myself why I’m doing what I’m doing. So, while I prayed that prayer, I wanted to be honest and transparent to the Father, and did mean that I would not expect any spectacular experience any more, but simply want to have His heart and the likeness of Jesus. That would be my goal for the rest of my life on this earth. Since that prayer, I became peaceful during my worship, as I was transparent in front of the Father. Without expecting some kind of wonderful moment of God, I was able to sing worship songs, and take time to listen to Him in silence. Then, one day, He taught me on His meek and lowly heart through the Scriptures as well as Pastor John’s teachings. Another day, He taught me on the subject I kept wondering, through a Pastor Rick Joyner’s book. They were all so timely that I was marveled. There was nothing spectacular. Yet I felt that is indeed supernatural. He sees everything in my heart and every subject I was curious about. And He taught me His ways through others’ teachings & writings in a timely manner.
One day, early in the morning, I read the Bible on my bed under a dim light, and prayed and worshipped Him for a while. Later, after the sun rose, I went to the living room and continued reading my Bible on the sofa. While reading the Bible, I suddenly smelled fresh fragrance just under my nose. It was like I used to smell His presence just under my nose, in my Singapore time, after the Holy Spirit baptism, but the fragrance was different. And I just thought that it was as though the train of Jesus’ robe caused the fragrance, and He tried to say to me that He is here with me in the living room.
I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. (Isaiah 6:1)
I was surprised by this unexpected fragrance, yet I didn’t long for having that experience.
Then, one night, to worship the Father, I went to my bedroom early, and sat on my bed. But my mom kept coming into my room, and said goodnight a few times. I didn’t feel bothered at all, but I thought to myself that I would rather lie on my bed, to pretend to sleep, and I would just worship the Father, lying on my bed. I thought it’s better under that circumstance, though I don’t like to worship Him, lying, and at the end of the day, my heart is important. So, I didn’t even play out worship music to sing along, from my phone or iPad. Without any songs to play out, I made my own melodies. I sort of improvised songs with my own melodies and my own lyrics. They were just my praise and confession on how great, how good, how kind, how awesome He is. There are so many things to praise Him for, and I sang my songs, as if I were a psalmist. I made lyrics, simply saying why I love Him. Then, tears welled up in my eyes. I had to keep using Kleenex, while singing on my bed. Then, a moment came when I couldn’t say nor sing any more, but knew I should be silent due to the weight of the Father’s presence. I simply sobbed under His presence. And He gently spoke to me. And I learned what worship is. It’s not necessarily music, but it’s really heart. When I think of the reasons why I worship Him, and express my heart, He consumes my sacrifice with His fire. He is satisfied. And I should also be transparent, with no ulterior motives.
Would you take some time today or tonight simply to express your love toward our Father and our Lord, Jesus with your own lyrics? It’s my prayer that you and I become the true worshipers and satisfy Him.
Have a bliss!
But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth. (John 4:23~24)