How are you? Hope you had or are having a good day, today.
I would like to continue from my previous blog, “Spiritual Warfare”.
When my mom acted half-insane daily, I was so weary. The trash bin in my bedroom was always full of Kleenex I threw away day and night. I literally cried out to the LORD. Sometimes, I wailed to Him. I didn’t know what I should say, but I felt I couldn’t even breathe. When my mom kept torturing me in her delusion, not even sleeping a wink, I once said to her, weary, “Mom, can you just kill me? I think it would be better to die than to live like this.” I meant it at that time. I almost handed over a knife in the kitchen to her, but I thought I should be careful both in my mouth and act, not to open the door to any evil spirit.
Then, one day while praying in my room, His words “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” came into my mind. At that time, I couldn’t recall in which book, chapter and verse in the Bible it was written. But I knew it was His words for me in person in that difficult moment. In a day or two, I prayed at night. In the middle of my prayer, I was reminded of a picture in my photo album on my computer, so that I went searching for it. Then, unexpectedly, I found a picture of my hand-writing in my notebook in the photo album. Surprisingly, the verse I wrote in my notebook in that picture was that verse that came into my mind the other day, and I got to know it was written in Jeremiah 29:11. And I was reminded of the lesson from the class, “Hearing the Voice of God”, that He repeats when it’s important. I felt that He was repeating this message to comfort me and to give me a future and hope, though I was in the fierce spiritual warfare daily. And it didn’t end. Whatever sermons I listened to and whatever messages I read, I was amazed to hear this Scripture from Jeremiah 29:11. One day, when I tried to google Korean calligraphy, the first blog that popped up had a picture of Korean calligraphy with this verse from Jeremiah 29:11. Each time I saw or heard this Scripture, I just burst into a cry, feeling as though He continued to say to me, “Yunee, hang in there. I have a plan for you. It’s not harming you, but prospering you. Your future is bright!”
When I went through the valley of the shadow of death, and I cried out to the LORD daily, I couldn’t smell His nice fragrance, nor feel His presence at all. Yet, He repeated these words to comfort me and to give me hope.
While I kept on clinging to His Words, I brought my mom to many prayer meetings where she could receive prayers for deliverance from pastors who have a gift in healing and deliverance. I was so desperate for mom’s deliverance and prayed for His miracles. But nothing happened. Then, I started to fast after I felt it was His will for me to fast and pray. While fasting and praying, I felt that He would not cast out the evil spirits in mom, but He would bring her to Him in peace in His time. I didn’t ask the Lord why, but I knew He is sovereign and is always right and good. So, on one morning, I said to the Lord, “Father, if it’s Your will not to cast out the evil spirits in mom, but bring her in peace to You, please help me do my best to take good care of her and honor her till that day. I want her to thank You for the days she has spent with me. I want her to thank You for me.” My eyes got wet while I prayed. A few hours later, I went to a Wednesday morning service in a church near my house in a suburb of Seoul. I didn’t belong to that church, but I was so blessed by that church. The senior pastor was Spirit-filled, but never neglected the importance of knowing the Words and living out the Words, so that he made classes on Torah, the Pentateuch, and encouraged his church members to take the classes. In that Wednesday morning service, the senior pastor preached on honoring parents with the Words in the book of Proverbs. Then, he exactly made the same comments I made when I prayed to the Lord a few hours back. He said to the audience, “I want your parents to thank Him for the days they spent with you. I want your parents to thank Him for you.” I couldn’t stop my tears. And I felt He was confirming His will toward me through the pastor’s sermon.
Since then, I had a peace that I would not sweat over casting out the evil spirits in mom any more. I didn’t bring her to prayer meetings for the purpose of deliverance anymore unless she wanted to join me to go to church. But I became certain that all I need to do is honor and love her.
Then, one day, my mom became seriously ill. She even called my sister in the United States to come to Korea as soon as possible, to see her, and my sister paid a short visit to see her. I took mom to a doctor, worried that she may have caught pneumonia, but there was nothing wrong with her according to the test. She was just very sick for about a week. Since then, she changed quite a bit. She didn’t torture me out of the delusion, and she could sleep well at night.
Then one night, I went to a prayer meeting in the church near my house alone. While I prayed, I heard His still small voice, “You have won the victory with Me!” And He reminded me that the name of the hall I bought for my mom’s future cemetery was “Victory” Hall. Then, I opened my wet eyes, as the worship leader started to sing a hymn “The Bright, Heavenly Way”, which was never played in that church before. The worship leader repeated the lyrics “But the blood of Christ our Lord puts them wholly to the sword, while we trust the grace of Jesus and shall ever VICTORS be”. I felt Him repeating His words that I have won the victory with Him.
If you’ve been weary in spiritual warfare or feel like you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, please don’t give up. He has a plan for you. Trust that His plan is to prosper you, not to harm you. He will never forsake you, nor will His words fail you. And He always keeps His Promise. You will come out more than victorious. How do I know? I know that our Lord Jesus has already won the battle. He has won, and He is the risen King! And we will reign with Him.
Have a bliss!
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: