Heart Attitude

Dear Friend,
How are you? 

James Goll shared his struggles in a chapter: “When God Seems Silent” in his book, “Dream Language.” He wrote that he released public prophetic words to others for many years, but seldom received a public prophetic word himself and it hurt him. His security was being tested and God seemed silent to him.
His sharing of this experience and findings spoke to me much and I would like to share it with you:

• Why wasn’t God speaking? Why was there a withholding of revelation? As I searched out these questions, several possible answers emerged. First, I might be relying too much on an external witness rather than on the internal witness of the Holy Spirit in my heart. Second, perhaps it wasn’t a kairos moment yet; the strategic timing had not yet come. Third, maybe my expectations were off base. If your expectations are misplaced, too high or off base, you are sure to end up disappointed. Fourth, perhaps I was chasing for words from men instead of the Word Himself. People will fail, and their words will fail, but He who is the Word will never fail. Finally, there was the possibility of spiritual warfare and/or a deaf and dumb spirit hindering mine and others’ ability to hear, speak, release, and receive. I never did get a public release of affirmation until I resolved these internal issues. But I had to reach a personal crisis point. It came to the place where Michal Ann and I had gotten tired of the circus that seemed to surround some of the great gatherings. Frustrated over the whole business, I remember saying, “Lord, I don’t need to play this game any more. You are my source!” Did I still care? Yes. Did I still have needs? Yes. But I was finished with chasing men for words. And that is when things began to change.[1]

Last year, I had similar experiences with what James Goll had. In the summer of 2017 in Singapore, I met a prophet couple, who prophesized over me privately. I heard amazing revelation from the Lord through them. Interestingly, right after I received the prophecy, the intense spiritual warfare came to me through my family members. I found it very interesting that the late Pastor and Prophet Neville Johnson mentioned that the Word of the Lord would bring trials, just like Joseph’s case, in his teaching, “Voice to the Nations, Joseph Ministries.” This was true to me. While I was still in the middle of the fierce spiritual battle, I had a chance to connect the prophetess, who prophesized over me in Singapore. Since then, through her ministry, I got private personal prophetic words. She said she released prophecy toward the members of her ministry as the Lord revealed to her. It was random, as it depended on His revelation. Certainly, whenever I received the personal prophecy from her, it was so encouraging, and it gave me hope to endure. Many times, I had tears, with His goodness. But the problem was that I became so eager for this personal prophecy. Then, one day in 2019, when I was praying over a certain matter related to her, I felt the Lord saying to me, “Do you fear Me or are you afraid of not receiving the prophecy from her?” It just hit me. I got wide-awake with the unexpected and penetrating question. He directly pointed out my heart attitude, and I said to Him, “Father, I fear You. I choose You, not her prophesy. I want to hear from You directly, and I wouldn’t fear her.” After my prayer, with confession and repentance, I felt free. I got to learn I should fear Him only, not persons, even if they are His faithful servants. He highlighted that my heart chased after prophecy and not Him.

Then, one day, I had struggles on a certain matter, and I was requested to do some certain actions related to it. I really had no idea as to what I must do. I was so confused over the matter. Not knowing what to do, I closed my laptop, but opened my Bible. I thought I could rely on the Words from the Lord only. I was so amazed when I simply continued to read the book of Psalms from where I stopped the other day. My bookmark led me to Psalms 91 and the words were so timely and comforting. Interestingly, He highlighted the words like snare and trap in the chapter. Then, Derek Prince Ministry’s post I saw the night before came into my mind and I opened my laptop. Unexpectedly, I happened to see he wrote a book, “Protection from Deception.” I searched the same title online to see whether the sermon would be available. I finally found one and listened to it. When I listened to Derek mention “lion” and “serpent” as demonic forces in the recording, to my surprise my eyes were exactly on “You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra. The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot” in Psalms 91:13. I was reminded of a lion in darkness during my prayer the other night. During the prayer, I saw a lion snarling in darkness. It was not a lion with mane, but a bit skinny, like it was a female. I wasn’t really sure whether it was the vision from the Lord or the imagination in my mind. While I listened to Derek Prince’ message and read the Scripture from Psalms 91, I thought of the snarling lion that I felt was a bit skinny in the vision. It must have been this young lion on the Scripture, and I confirmed the vision was from the Lord. I felt a warning for me not to get involved in the matter I was praying over. Still, the next morning, I expected Him to give me confirmation, when I opened my Bible, half-awake on the bed. Immediately, the first few verses in the book of Proverbs made me wide awake. I couldn’t agree enough that the Bible is such a practical book with a practical and timely warning. And I felt I should always run to Him for help and rely on His Scriptures. 

From these experiences, I finally had a freedom not to chase after the personal words or prophecy. He speaks to us through many ways, and I also have direct access to Him through the Bible. I wouldn’t ignore prophecy nevertheless, as it’s certainly one of the gifts from the Holy Spirit to build up His Church. Yet, I think our heart attitudes are more important, when receiving the prophecy. Like James Goll shared, I was also able to be finished with chasing men for words and to declare the Lord as my source! 
I recall Pastor R.T. Kendall saying something like, “If you want to receive Rhema Words (such as prophecy, His still small voice, etc.), you must listen to His Logos Words (The Bible).” I couldn’t agree more with him. When our heart motive is to fear Him, love Him, and enjoy walking with Him, I know He wants even more to speak to us and wants us to hear Him so clearly. This is because He is a loving Father, who wants relationship with His children.

Dear Friend,
Do James Goll’s story and mine speak to you? I pray that you and I may have the right heart attitude, not to chase after men’s words, but only long for His Words and fellowship, in Jesus’ name.
​
Have a bliss!
Yunee

[1] Goll, James W. Dream Language: The Prophetic Power of Dreams. (pp. 189-190). Kindle Edition.

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But who can discern their own errors?
 Forgive my hidden faults.
 Keep your servant also from willful sins;
 may they not rule over me.
Then I will be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,
Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalms 19:12~14)

But the anointing which you have received from Him abides in you, and you do not need that anyone teach you; but as the same anointing teaches you concerning all things, and is true, and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you will abide in Him. (1 John 2:27)