How are you? I’m well.
In early February this year, I had a dream and saw one of my old friends had a leukemia. When I woke up, I was a bit uncomfortable in my heart. The Lord showed her so many times in my dreams in the past and I wondered whether He wants me to talk to her. She and I lost contact with one another since early 2016. We were friends since we were in the elementary school. We went to the same church in our high school years. To make a long story short, I kept some distance from her, when I grew older. She is so talkative that she made many mistakes in her talk. When I shared something with her, I found it simply slipped out of her mouth. I knew at that time that she was not ill-meaning, but she simply repeated what I wanted her to keep to herself. In addition, I was uncomfortable with her jealousy towards my friendship with new friends whom I met in the university. It continued even after she got married. I can’t exactly remember the time, but if I’m not mistaken, I think it was 2015 when I worked in Singapore. She texted me, saying she was diagnosed with a breast cancer. So, I prayed for her in Singapore. Later, when I visited Seoul, to spend time with my mom, I texted her to ask how she had been, and whether we could meet near my office during my lunch hour. To my recollection, she either took a long medical leave or left her company at that time, to be refreshed. But her answer was very blunt: “Everybody pays a visit to my town, to see me! They make an effort to meet me!” I was not even surprised at her selfishness, as it was also one of the reasons that I kept some distance from her. She lived in a suburb area of Seoul. As I worked long hours at work and my visit to Seoul was simply to have time with mom, I couldn’t afford to go to see her. If I could go back to that time again, I would do the same. I would prioritize my mom over her, definitely. But I didn’t really want to explain my situations to her, as her immaturity wouldn’t consider that. Yet, the Lord showed me in my dreams so often that I wondered whether He wants me to talk to her and ask forgiveness, if I offended her. I was actually reminded of her face when we bumped in on the street in Seoul, in 2015. As I was on the phone with my boss on a serious subject, I only greeted her with my eyes and kept talking to my boss, walking toward the bus stop to go back home from work. I think she had no idea that I was in town for the moment, but might have assumed that I worked abroad, as I didn’t let her know. If I did, she would definitely want to catch up with me, but I had to manage my time, especially when I was super-busy. Later at home, I could have texted her, to simply say hi, but I didn’t. At that time, I already took some distance from her, being disappointed and tired. But her smiling face on the street kept lingering in my mind. And I really hesitated to ask the Lord whether He wants me to talk to her. If I would listen to His voice to talk to her, I know I must obey Him. So, I didn’t even ask Him last year. But I repented to the Lord that I lacked in love toward her and I prayed for her, though not daily. Then, earlier this year, I listened to Sister Margaret’s teaching on forgiveness in YouTube and she shared her testimony that she obeyed the Lord and asked a lady to forgive her, if she offended her. And Sister Margaret said to the students something like if we obeyed Him and asked someone forgiveness, we did our part. Whether he or she would forgive us or not is a matter between God and him or her. When I listened to her teaching, my old friend came into my mind. And after I had a dream of her having leukemia, I said to the Lord, “Father, do You want me to ask her forgiveness? I will do, if You want me to. Please let me know.”
The next morning, when I read the Bible, I felt the Lord wants me to reach out to her, to ask her forgiveness. So, I texted her and asked whether I offended her. And I wrote I would like to say sorry and ask her forgiveness, if I did. She sent a long message and I got to know that while she went through the cancer surgery, she kind of cut off the relationship not only with me, but with some of her friends who didn’t measure up to her expectation, including her in-laws. And my intention to obey the Lord seemed to be backfired, when we exchanged the texts. When she said she didn’t want to open her heart toward me nor want to restore our relationship, I actually made it very clear that I didn’t intend to, but I simply wanted to ask her forgiveness, if I offended her. I didn’t want to explain my situations at that time, as it would simply sound like a lame excuse to her and I know her immaturity and self-centeredness. It won’t help. And I didn’t even want to mention what made me disappointed and offended at her in the past, as I already let it go and it didn’t matter to me anymore. I had no grudges against her. But then she said, “If you don’t want to restore our relationship, there is no need to ask forgiveness!!!” (Bang!)
When I read her texts, I felt she was just the same as when she was teen. And I also found she was full of self-pity, self-centeredness, bitterness and so on. Among them, I felt self-pity could be the stronghold in her spirit, knowing her dad passed away at her age of 9 or 10 and her family had more difficulty in finance. And I also recalled her letter long ago which showed self-pity in her. Getting to know her bitterness not only toward me, but toward her in-laws and other friends of her, I got to understand why the Lord wants me to talk to her. I felt He wants me to intercede for her, getting to know her spiritual condition.
Yet, her blunt messages kept lingering in my mind. I said to myself, as if I wanted to pour out to her, “Look at you. How old are you? You’re still whining, to get attention, just like when you were teen. Have you ever asked me how I was at that time? Have you ever asked me what made me keep distance from you? Do you think it was easy to humble myself toward such an immature person like you? I didn’t even want to talk about how you hurt me.” And I said to the Lord, “Father, I obeyed You. I will keep praying for her, but please don’t show her in my dream anymore. Have mercy on her.”
I tried to calm down myself, but the mind was a battle ground, indeed. I knew it was what Satan wants, but I couldn’t help stopping thinking about her and her messages. Then, it dawned on me that I didn’t even try to share how hurt I was with the Lord. Even if I pretended to be ok, He already knew my heart. So, I thought I would be transparent and honest to my Friend and said to Him, walking to the rest room, “Father, yes, I’m being so upset, You know…”
Then, when I was washing the dishes, still lingering on her and being upset, I heard a still small voice in my heart, “Who else’s gonna pray for her?” I knew it was the Lord. And I thought to myself, “Her devout mother passed away from leukemia long ago. And her elder sister was full of bitterness after divorce. Maybe her hubby and church friends wouldn’t know how serious her spiritual condition is.” I thought her having a leukemia in the dream would mean her spiritual condition is actually in danger just like leukemia.
And I also felt the Lord saying, “What you said about her is true. Can you pray over that?”
Yet, still being upset, I listened to Shekinah Worship Center’s worship and prayer meeting that I saved in my YouTube, lying on the sofa and closing my eyes. At the end of the worship, Pastor Joe Sweet talked about Jesus on the throne and 24 elders worshipping Him in the book of Revelation, being emotional. When I listened to him, the dream where I saw Jesus came into my mind. When I rode on a motorcycle and flied away, I cried out to the Lord before the moment of crash toward a building. And I found myself prostrate upon the feet of Jesus. The dream just came into my mind and I became emotional just like Pastor Joe, thinking of Jesus who is worthy to be worshiped. Then, to my amazement, Pastor Joe talked about Pastor Rick Joyner’s interview with Sid Roth on a friend of God. I happened to watch the interview last year, 2021, only after I had the dream about Jesus and the motorcycle in late 2020. In the interview, Pastor Rick shared his testimony that the Lord told him to ride on a motorcycle for 900 miles, when his knees were bad and there was a storm. Just like I felt the Presence of the Lord behind my back on a motorcycle in the dream, Pastor Rick shared that during 900 miles of journey, He felt the Presence of God and his knees were healed. After that, he met the Lord face to face and heard him talk about friendship. How could all this be a coincidence? I couldn’t stop tears, thinking of Jesus. And I immediately searched the interview in YouTube and watched it again. I stood in awe again, as the interview talked about Brother Lawrence’ book, “Practicing the Presence of God.” Like I shared last week, I reread it in this January, as I felt that’s what the Lord wants from me, the friendship. And I was simply in awe, seeing Him join all the dots. And it even dawned on me that His unexpected still small voice, “Who else’s gonna pray for her?” came to me, while I was washing the dishes, just like Brother Lawrence.
I wrote about friends of God last year and I wanted to think about Him, talk to Him and listen to Him all the time, but failed. I felt it really needs a lot of efforts not to be distracted and I should be really intentional now. Just happening to listen to Pastor Joe’s sermon on a friend of God from Pastor Rick’s experience, I became very assured that this is indeed what the Lord wants from us. And I also understood the Lord asked me to pray for my old friend, His beloved daughter, as He took me as His friend.
I think I will continue to write on this subject next week. In the meantime, I would like to encourage you to spend 25 minutes to watch Pastor Rick’s interview with Sid Roth and take some time to read or reread the book, Practicing the Presence of God. I found Pastor Rick’s first question to the Lord very interesting: “What do You think about sports?” And His answer is even more interesting. (This is a trailer. :)
He wants friends. He wants us to enjoy fellowship with Him. Pastor Rick shared Jesus’ saying, “I have few friends.” Would you leave Him alone, when He is next you? I would like to encourage us to include Him and invite Him, in everything we do. I said to the Lord in tears, ”Father, thank You for taking me as Your friend, as Your immature and selfish friend.” To my utter amazement, after I had a great moment with the Lord in tears, I felt healed. I didn’t feel offended at my friend anymore but prayed for her with love. Not only for her, I found my heart changed toward a few, simply with love. And the great moment of God didn’t come when I knelt down for prayer late at night, but just unexpectedly when I was resting lying on a sofa. There is no formula, no religiosity. We can’t contain Him nor expect Him in our religious way.
It’s my prayer that you and I would never leave our Lord lonely, and we become His friend, know His heart and bring Him joy.
Have a bliss!
What is man that You are mindful of him,