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Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’re well. In August last year, I had an incident where I felt as if I were panicked. A family member who used to make traumatic events in the past simply tried to come to my place without asking me or letting me know in advance. Thankfully, I was in my favorite cafe with mom, and another member of family informed me that this person was on her way to my place. First, I became angry with her not respecting my boundary. Then, my heart started to pound, as I tried to hide away for a while, not to see her. I’ve had difficult times since she was in town for the past few months last year. Later on that day, we met in my place, but I had to lie on the bed due to severe headache and nausea from the stress. I said to the Father, “How long should I put up with her?” Then, one of Pastor John Fenn’s teachings came into my mind: “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. (2 Peter 1:5~7)” To my recollection, he said something like not only I should grow, but other brothers and sisters in Christ should grow in this path as well. I also recalled his teaching on setting the boundary. So, after the nausea was gone and another member of my family came in, I started conversation with her in front of another member as witness. I needed witness, as I recently found out that she had told a lie about me a few years back. Anyway, the conversation went well. She went back to her place, saying apology. Yet, I was still angry at her. I was already exhausted by her stubbornness, self-centeredness, and so forth. So, I vented my feelings, talking to my friends including my hairdresser, and other member of my family. I can’t recall how soon, but I think, much later did I realize that I hadn’t talked about how I had felt to the Father. I was reminded of another teaching of Pastor John Fenn about holiness: Holiness is about transparency. And I realized that I had avoided talking to the Father about her, as my feeling toward her was something negative: I was angry; I fumed; Seriously, I was disgusted at her. Yet, I tried to hide my feelings while He knew everything. I tried to pretend as if I were good and holy in front of Him. But, He already knew all my thoughts and I didn’t have to hide anything. It was ok to say to Him my honest thoughts and feelings. So, I said to Him, “She is a bitch! Crab! What a bitch! Why in the world do You love her?” “…” Then, I laughed. I was being brutally honest and transparent to Him. I became overjoyed. I didn’t have to pretend to be good. I’m just bad like that, and He already knows that. And I was glad, as I was transparent to Him. And my secret was safe with Him, no matter what I said. So, I decided to pour out my feelings to Him. But, you know, you can’t continue to say cuss words on someone to Him everyday. He would give us some impression in our hearts. He knew she was wrong and she has some faults in her character. Yet, He wanted me to pray for her. His love is not based on how good we are or what good works we did. From the outset, He loves the world so that He gave His begotten Son. Even when you and I were sinners, He loved us and we were saved simply by His grace. So, I stopped cuss words, but prayed for her. Not only for her, but He also reminded me of His promise that He showed me through a dream. He wanted me to receive the reward He planned for me in eternity, and He didn’t want me to lose it by being distracted by the enemy’s tactics. I was even more thankful to the Father for His goodness. More than a year after that incident, I came to read about Jeremiah’s prayer from Eugene Peterson’s Run with the Horses: “‘Talking to God, I felt, is always better than talking about God (Therese of Lisieux)’ …What we find is Jeremiah praying: addressing God, listening to God. Prayer is the act in which we approach God as living person, a thou to whom we speak, not an it that we talk about. Prayer is the attention that we give to the one who attends to us. It is the decision to approach God as the personal center, as our Lord and our Savior, our entire lives gathered up and expressed in the approach. Prayer is personal language raised to the highest degree. …That is a picture of prayer. The person with whom we set aside time for intimacy, for this deepest and most personal conversation, is God. At such times the world is not banished, but it is in the shadows, on the periphery. Prayer is never complete and unrelieved solitude; it is, though, carefully protected and skillfully supported intimacy. Prayer is the desire to listen to God firsthand, to speak to God firsthand, and then setting aside the time and making the arrangements to do it. It issues from the conviction that the living God is immensely important to me and that goes on between us demands my exclusive attention. … The confession of Jeremiah are no parody but the real thing - exclusive focus on God: intense, undivided preoccupation with God. …. What goes on in these intimate exchanges between Jeremiah and God? We know who he is with in secret; what does he say in secret? The confession in Jeremiah 15 is a fair sample. Here some of us are in for another surprise, for the uninstructed idea of prayer is that it is accepting and soothing, that the person at prayer is the person at peace in the universe. But Jeremiah at prayer is scared, lonely, hurt and angry. ‘You know where I am, God! Remember what I’m doing here! Take my side against my detractors. (Jer. 15:15)’ …Jeremiah was not timid in his prayers. As even bolder accusation came later when he raged, ‘You seduced me, Yahweh, and I let you; You seized and overcame me’ (Jer 20:7 Bright’s translation) … That is Jeremiah at prayer: scared, lonely, hurt, angry. A surprise? … Everything he experienced and thought he set in relationship to a living, knowing, saving God. And the moment these things are set in relationship to God something begins to happen. …Jeremiah stops speaking but prayer continues, for prayer does not end when we end. In prayer God is not merely audience; he is partner. Jeremiah has spoken honestly; now he listens expectantly. …Jeremiah’s part in the prayer was to be honest and personal; it is God with whom he has to do. The first requirement in a personal relationship is to be ourselves. Off with the masks. Away with the pretense. ‘It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, O Lord.’ Jeremiah’s prayer is not pious, not nice, not proper - he speaks what he feels, and he feels scared, lonely, hurt and angry. Well enough. God’s part in the prayer is to restore and save. Before God in my prayer we do not remain the same. The fright and loneliness and pain and accusation are all there, but they do not stay there. God feels our pains, but he does not indulge our self-pity. … Priorities are reestablished in prayer. It makes all the difference in the world whether God is in the first place or in the second. … The setting of priorities is not a once-and-for-all act. It has to be redone frequently. Balance shift. Circumstances change. Moods swing. Is it still God, in face, with whom I have first of all to do, or is it not? Prayer is the place where the priorities are reestablished. … Everything God said then he says still. The promise is still in effect. It is not enough to remember; we must hear it again. Prayer is the act in which we hear it again. It is not enough to carry memory verses around with us; we need daily encounter with the resonant voice of God. Prayer is that encounter. Situations change. Does God change? We pray. We listen. God speaks his word again - the same word! - and we are restored and renewed in our commitment. …The word of God does not change and my call does not change, but the relationship is under constant assault and must be renewed constantly. Resolve is essential but not enough. In prayer God provides renewal. Prayer is not so much the place where we learn something new, but where God confirms anew the faith to which we are committed. … No one becomes human the way Jeremiah was human by posing in a posture of victory. It was his prayers, hidden but persistent, that brought him to the human wholeness and spiritual sensitivity that we want. What we do in the secret determines the soundness of who we are in public. Prayer is the secret work that develops a life that is thoroughly authentic and deeply human. Friend, I can’t resonate with him more. And I hope you’re encouraged by my own story as well as Eugene’s insight. I pray that you and I commune with Him in our secret place, not only when we are overjoyed, but when scared, lonely, hurt and angry. It’s about relationship with the Father. Our communion with Him in the secret place. Talking to and listen to Him. At the end of the day, He would ultimately bring us where He wants us to be, through prayer. Have a bliss! Julie Thus my heart was grieved, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you are well. Are you familiar with David’s story in Ziklag? I was not. Interestingly enough, though, God spoke to me about it 4~5 times in a month of June this year. A few hours before a monthly zoom meeting in June, I prayed that He would speak to me through my pastor’s wife who was supposed to share a word. She talked about Psalm 46 on that day, and she made a comment on Ziklag story in 1 Samuel 30. It was the 3rd time I heard about it, after reading it from Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall and David Wilkerson’s America’s Last Call. “Now it happened, when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the South and Ziklag, attacked Ziklag and burned it with fire, and had taken captive the women and those who were there, from small to great; they did not kill anyone, but carried them away and went their way. So David and his men came to the city, and there it was, burned with fire; and their wives, their sons, and their daughters had been taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep. And David’s two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the widow of Nabal the Carmelite, had been taken captive. Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. (1 Sam. 30:1~6)” David had 600 men who accompanied him in his wilderness life. But as they found out their beloved family had been taken captive, they tried to kill their leader, David. But when David inquired of the Lord and was told to pursue the enemy and recover all, 400 men joined him. But 200 timid men were left. Now the story after David recovered all is : “Then all the wicked and worthless men of those who went with David answered and said, “Because they did not go with us, we will not give them any of the spoil that we have recovered, except for every man’s wife and children, that they may lead them away and depart.” But David said, “My brethren, you shall not do so with what the Lord has given us, who has preserved us and delivered into our hand the troop that came against us. (1 Samuel 30:22~23) “Ziklag, for me, is the premier biblical location for realizing that when we get serious about the Christian life we eventually end up in a place and among people decidedly uncongenial to what we had expected. That place and people is often called a church. It’s hard to get over the disappointment that God, having made an exception in my case, doesn’t call nice people to repentance. The Christian life is never just my story; it’s a community of stories. I learn my story in company with others. Each story affects and is affected by each of the others. Most of these others are distressed, in debt, and discontent. … We’re a company…. Disillusioned, we go off on our own and cultivate a pure spirituality uncontaminated by religious hucksters and hypocrites. But eventually, if we’re honest and reading our Bibles honestly, we find we can’t do it. We can’t survive in the wilderness alone. We need others, and we need a leader. And then we begin to get it: God’s purposes are being worked out most profoundly when we’re least aware of them. Spirituality most of the time doesn’t look like spirituality, or at least what the moralists and secularists told us it was supposed to look like…. Every time I move to a new community, I find a church close by and join it - committing myself to worship and work with the company of God’s people. I’ve never been anything other than disappointed: everyone turns out to be biblical, through and through: murmurers, complainers, the faithless, the inconstant, those plagued with doubt and riddled with sin, boring moralizers, glamorous secularizes. (From Leap over a Wall)” Through this story, I felt the Father was trying to teach me that no matter whether it’s house church or traditional auditorium church, I would have company like David’s company, who might try to stone me. The Bible says “all the wicked and worthless men” for 400 men. As Eugene Peterson wrote, it might be disillusion or unbiblical if I would think I would go on my own spiritual journey alone or I would always meet mature Christians as my company or I would have congenial company in my home group all the time. Even Jesus had Judas among his precious 12 disciples. And I came to think of the verse: “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil. 3:10~11)” If I choose to be His follower and know Him in person, the fellowship of His sufferings seems to be inevitable. Just like the wicked and worthless men of David, we have the wicked and worthless in church. Perhaps we are one of them. Looking back upon my home groups in Shanghai and Singapore, I recall not all members were mature and Christ-like. Some were very self-centered, still loved the world, gossiped, backbit and complained, just like Eugene wrote. It didn’t seem that aging guarantees maturity. I think the Father wanted to teach me through David in Ziklag. In all honesty, I’ve imagined that I would have perfect spiritual friends in my future house church. Certainly, He would give me some, but not all of them would be congenial. Some might try to stone me, though not literally. Backstabbing, backbiting or lying about me, even after sharing meals at home. It even happened in my family. Then, why wouldn’t it happen in church? But, David’s story didn’t end there. Pastor David Guzik wrote in Enduring Word: “This is the final step in David’s getting things right after his time of backsliding among the Philistines. · David strengthened himself in the LORD his God. · David inquired of the LORD. · David believed God’s promise. · David did what God told him to do. · David showed unexpected care and kindness to others. · David saw it as the LORD’s victory. · David shared the reward with others. · David did what he could to mend relationships.” I found that in the life-threatening situation, David prayed. He listened to God. In the middle of pursing the enemy, David happened to meet an Egyptian who later helped David locate the enemy. “b. Then David said to him, “To whom do you belong, and where are you from?” David took a caring interest in this man. He showed simple care and kindness to a nobody. They didn’t just give this Egyptian food and water; they gave him care and kindness. c. I am a young man from Egypt, servant of an Amalekite…. we burned Ziklag with fire: In showing unexpected kindness to this Egyptian, God showed David unexpected blessing. The Egyptian promised to guide David to the camp of the Amalekites.” (From David Guzik’s Enduring Word) I found David had no ulterior motive when he extended grace and kindness toward this Egyptian. He was simply kind, as he was after God’s heart. Just like David, if we would be after His heart and have His kindness and meekness, we would unexpectedly see His providence and provision. Then, I also found very encouraging insight of David Guzik: “c. This is David’s spoil: God gave David even more than what He promised. He received spoil from the battle, beyond what was taken from Ziklag. This was a blessing straight from the grace of God.” At the end of the day, David recovered all his family as well as the family of 600 men, and he received spoil. Friend, I believe that God wanted to teach me and prepare my heart for the fellowship of His sufferings, in following our Lord, Jesus and making disciples. We will have 600 men of David, and Judas Iscariot in our church, the community whom we have meals together with at home. But, we strengthen ourselves in the Lord and learn from Him. “Generosity (David at the Brook Besor) Everything we have is a gift from God; we share it with who are saved by God” (I Samuel 30:23~25) … These are the men of Ziklag with nothing in their backgrounds to be proud of, all of them picked up from a disreputable life and brought, though no merit of their own, into the net of God’s providence and salvation. ... One of the reasons that Christians are dispersed in the world is to recover a life for others and practice a priesthood of all believers - connect with others in an earthy, Davidic compassion so thoroughly that no expert or professional can ever again bluff us into passivity or consumerism. David at the Brook Besor anticipates Jesus: ‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly’ (Matt. 11:28~30, The Message) (From Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall)” Have a bliss! Julie Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you had or are having a good day today? Sometimes when I wrote blogs, I became afraid that I might give you the wrong impression that I would be a good Christian or live out what I wrote. So, I think I should write how bad I am and I have a lot to be desired in my journey with the Father. On October 8th this year, I had a short Me time in the cafe that I didn’t visit often for the past couple of years. It is known for bagels and cream cheese as well as coffee. Lactose intolerant, I decided to have coffee only. I enjoyed coffee in the window seat, with a thankful heart, looking at sparrows in the trees outside and beautiful sunlight. Later, I grabbed a simple lunch for mom and went to grocery shopping. I got persimmons on final sale at a good price, and other stuffs. On the cashier queue, I was the 3rd, and overheard the talk between the 1st customer and the cashier. The cashier asked her whether she wanted to use her points or part of her points in the payment. Then, the 1st customer said, “Part of my points were gone. What happened to my points?” She didn’t answer the cashier’s question as to whether she wanted to use her points or not. The cashier said, “Once you get points, you should use them up within 5 years. They’ll be expired and gone in 5 years. So, do you want to use your points now?” Then, she said, bluntly and a bit arrogantly, “I know. But, my 600 points were gone. I wanted to use them later. What happened?” She didn’t seem to understand the cashier’s explanation, and she asked the same question, not answering the cashier’s question on her points. It repeated three times. I got irritated. I looked at the other cashier line, but there was no cashier there. So, I had to keep waiting. Listening to her asking the same question again and again, but not answering the cashier’s question, I finally sighed. It was my passive expression both to her and the cashier: “I AM WAITING.” There were more customers behind me in the queue. So, finally, the cashier said, “Sorry, I can’t explain it again, as these customers are waiting.” I said to myself, as if I would say to the cashier, “Ignore her, please. If you were a teacher and a stupid student kept asking the same question again and again, not listening to you nor understanding you, you couldn’t explain to him or her over and over again. You should think of other students. It wastes others’ precious time!” Of course, the 1st customer was the stupid student in my imagination. Even when I was finally paying for my grocery to the cashier, I kept thinking of those unkind words. And even on my way home, I was still fuming and kept having unkind thoughts toward the customer. There was no thankful heart to the Father even though I got persimmons for mom at a surprisingly nice price. After dinner, mom seemed to feel like staying longer, watching TV in the living room. So, I decided to watch my favorite shows with her rather than read a book. Later she started to doze off and I sent her to her bedroom. I also went to my bedroom and chose to listen to Pastor John Fenn’s latest audio teaching on the book of James and 1 Peter. When I listened to his explanation on James 3:9~12, I came to understand the verses in a very different way: “With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.” I paraphrase his explanation that the verses on the untamable tongue is not just about speech, i.e. talking right. Rather James’ point is our consistency in our life, action, words, i.e. don’t live contrary to the spirit man once we become believers. It hit close to home. It simply reminded me of my grumbling and unkind thoughts toward the customer. Even though I didn’t say any bad words to her, my thoughts were unkind. My heart was unkind and arrogant. But our Father sees our heart, not our appearance. Seemingly, I was ok in the grocery store, despite the small sigh. But, my heart was not right. And I must have had my Lord leave His dwelling place in my heart at that moment, as it stank. Definitely my thoughts must have made Him uncomfortable. Yet, I was thankful for the Father’s timely teaching and correcting me. I immediately repented of my thoughts earlier on that day, with a thankful heart to Him. After repenting, I was a bit distracted, watching some of the news in YouTube, though I tried not to watch YouTube before sleep. Then, I came to see Pastor David Guzik’s video titled “The Searchinglamps of God (Zep. 1:12)” popped up. I thought it was perhaps I watched his recent video on Zep. 3:16~17 a few days back. And I wanted to watch this video on Zep. 1:12: “And it shall come to pass at that time That I will search Jerusalem with lamps, And punish the men Who are settled in complacency, Who say in their heart, ‘The Lord will not do good, Nor will He do evil.’” And David Guzik said (my paraphrase), “God didn’t use lamps to find an honest man, but to discover and uncover sin. … God sees through and through you and you can’t hide anything from God.” What a timely teaching it was. I knew God spoke to me through this video, too. Indeed, He uncovered my sin. The hidden sin in my heart that only He and I knew about. I realized that during the whole day, I didn’t even think back upon it and I didn’t even realize that I sinned in my heart until I listened to John Fenn’s teaching a few minutes back. Then, He also taught me on His searching lamps. He sees through and through me. I can’t hide anything from Him. And I can’t thank Him, enough. If He didn’t use that lamp, I would keep on living that way. And I thanked Him, as I felt He wants me to be clean without sins. It was the Father’s love to uncover my sin. He didn’t lay a guilt trip on me, but He wants me to be like our Lord, Jesus. And I also knew that He would still rejoice over me with gladness and singing and He will quiet me with His love, despite my fault. And the next morning, I will see His mercy & compassion is new. I was already forgiven. The next morning on my bed, I enjoyed beautiful sunlight and clouds in the sky and thanked Him for His new mercy. After breakfast, I wrote this down on my journal in the iclouds. Only then did I realize something and said to myself, “Oh, I missed talking to the Father in that very annoying moment in the grocery store. Only if I could turn my eyes unto Him at that moment, and vent my frustration and anger to Him, I could have been comforted by His words. I missed Him.” And I realized that I should closely pay attention to the Lord in my heart and talk to Him, not only at the happy moment in Me time, but even at the annoying moment. Friend, I’m glad in a sense that I could share my reality, my real self, today. I’m still learning. And I become more grateful to our Father, as He doesn’t give up on me, but patiently teaches me with His love. Hope this blesses you. Have a bliss! Julie My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you are well. In the evening of October 6th, Sunday, my mind was a bit busy. I was thinking about a certain matter, and googled something. When I went to my bed, it was after 11pm. On my bed, I came to see Pastor David Guzik’s latest video popped up, titled “When God Sings.” It was a short video like 5 minutes or so, and it was on Zephaniah 3:16~17: In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”(NKJV) Then, Pastor Guzik said something like this (my paraphrase), “People listen to their own songs with earbuds or headphones on, instead of being quieted to listen to God’s song.” I truly concurred with him. I also felt that the Father wants me to be quieted to listen to His song over me, and be soaked in His love, not being distracted as I was before after dinner on that day. Yet, I didn’t feel guilty nor condemned, but thought of His love over me. Since I started to enjoy quietness as well as listening to birds during Me time with the Father, I sometimes turn my music player off at home. I used to play out quiet background music when reading books, writing blogs, or doing house chores, no matter whether it’s classical, jazz, Hawaiian ukulele or worship instrumental music. But, when my ears caught still small singing of bird(s) outside in this town, I turned off the music player to enjoy the bird(s)’ singing. I came to love listening to birds more than beautiful music people made, though music is still beautiful. So, I was able to agree with Pastor Guzik’s sharing, and I think we need to take some time to quiet ourselves to listen to the Father and our Lord, and enjoy His pouring out His love over us. During Me time in the autumn, I sometimes strolled or sat on bench, but other times, I enjoyed coffee or tea in cafe. When the weather was not cold, I took a seat outdoors in cafe. And I chose to be quiet in my mind, not trying to do anything such as reading or praying. But I quieted myself, enjoying beautiful lights through trees. The next morning after watching Pastor David’s “When God Sings,” I wanted to read those verses from The Message Bible that my favorite writer and pastor, Eugene Peterson translated. :) “Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs. (The MSG)” Then, I came to think these Zephaniah 3:17 is well known so that Christian contemporary songs in Korean were made with this verse. But the translation of “He will quiet (calm) you with His love” in Korean is more like “He will love you quietly.” And I thought some different translations in Korean might be due to direct translation from Hebrew, not from English. Then, I became curious about what the Hebrew word for this verse meant and searched it in BlueletterBible. There, interestingly, I found King James Version says: he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing. Similar to Korean translation, it implies God will rest in His love. Then, the Hebrew word, haras’ meaning is: to be silent, be dumb, be speechless, be deaf, keep quiet, make silent, remain silent No matter which version is close to the original Hebrew meaning, I believe both God and we commune in rest and silence and His love. And I picture a parent quiets his or her baby in arms. Mom or dad may sing lullaby over the baby with her or his love. Pouring out love in silence and rest. The baby will be calmed. And I was reminded of some writings that my Singapore pastor’s wife shared from their silent retreat to Malaysia earlier this year: Silence and prayer If we take as our guide the oldest prayer book, the biblical Psalms, we note two main forms of prayer. One is a lament and cry for help, other is thanksgiving and praise to God. On a more hidden level, there is a third kind of prayer, without demands or explicit expression of praise. In Psalm 131 for instance, there is nothing but quietness and confidence: I have calmed and quieted my soul... hope in the Lord from this time on and forevermore. (Ps 131:2.3) At times prayer becomes silent. Peaceful communion with God can do without words. “I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother.” Like the satisfied child who has stopped crying and is in its mother’s arms, so can “my soul be with me” in the presence of God. Prayer then needs no words, maybe not even thoughts. How is it possible to reach inner silence? Sometimes we are apparently silent, and yet we have great discussions within, struggling with imaginary partners or with ourselves. Calming our souls requires a kind of simplicity: “I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me.”(Ps 131:1) Silence means recognizing that my worries can’t do much. Silence means leaving to God what is beyond my reach and capacity. A moment of silence, even very short, is like a holy stop, a sabbatical rest, a trace of worries. The turmoil of our thoughts can be compared to the storm that struck the disciples’ boat on the Sea of Galilee while Jesus was sleeping. Like them, we may be helpless, full of anxiety, and incapable of calming ourselves. But Christ is able to come to our help as well. As he rebuked the wind and the sea and “there was a great calm”, He can also quiet our heart when it is agitated by fears and worries (Mark 4:39). Remaining silent, we trust and hope in God. One psalm suggests that silence is even a form of praise. We are used to reading at the beginning of Psalm 65: "Praise is due to you, O God.” This translation follows the Greek text, but actually the Hebrew text printed in most Bibles reads: “Silence is praise to you, O God.” When words and thoughts come to an end, God is praised in silent wonder and admiration. Friend, I found that no matter whether it’s prayer or our praise to Him, it seems silence should be part of our communion with our Father. In reality, however, I found being in silence inwardly is extremely difficult and even more difficult than staying silent outwardly. I don’t know about you, but I felt my mind often has been a battleground. And I was glad to read Eugene Peterson’s writing on Psalm 131: The transition from a sucking infant to a weaned child, from squalling baby to quiet son or daughter, is not smooth. It is stormy and noisy. It is no easy thing to quiet yourself: sooner may we calm the sea or rule the wind or tame a tiger than quiet ourselves. It is pitched battle. The baby is denied expected comforts and flies into rages or sinks into sulks. There are sobs and struggles. The infant is facing its first great sorrow and it is in sore distress. But “to the weaned child his mother is his comfort growth out of spiritual infancy when we can forgo the joys which once appeared to be essential, and can find our solace in him who denies them to us. (Charles Spurgeon)” (from Long Obedience in the Same Direction) On October 16th, after lunch, I debated as to whether I would go out for a short Me time. It was overcast and gloomy. I felt under the weather, and I also felt a bit upset, after reading a text from someone. I didn’t want to go out, but I had to go grocery shopping for mom’s fruits. So I went out. I didn’t feel like taking a stroll so that I went to one of my favorite cafes with a terrace outdoors. I thought that I would enjoy coffee, trees on the street and perhaps birds outdoors, before grocery shopping, though it wasn’t sunny and a bit cold. It was around 1:30pm and there were many people at the cafe both indoors and outdoors. Chitchat was overheard from next table and behind. Yet, I was able to quiet myself at that time, despite the noise around me. Lo and behold, a magpie flied from a Chinese church on the other side of the street toward the cafe and then U-turned and flied away. The voice of the Lord. I smiled. And I felt Him pouring out His love over me just like Zephaniah 3:17. He knew how upset I was, after the text message. But He wanted me to walk in love. He wanted me to be generous. And He reminded me that He does take care of me and He will satisfy my heart’s desires. And Ephesians 3:20 came into my mind: Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. It gave me so much comfort and joy. I was indeed quieted like a weaned child in the Father’s arms. When I came back home, I was totally refreshed from that quiet moment inside, despite the noise in the cafe. Friend, Would you like to take some quiet moment with the Father, and listen to His love song over you? Perhaps you could go to the nature and stroll or you might be in the crowd. Yet, you would hear His song over you. Have a bliss! Julie I’ve kept my feet on the ground, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’ve been well. Do you want to be blessed? I do. “Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. (Psalm 1:1~2)” Eugene Peterson wrote in As Kingfishers Catch Fire: “But here is a surprise. In the language of the psalmist, this word meditate has to do with slow eating, literally to slowly chew or masticate or suck on a lollipop. My understanding of meditate in Psalm 1 took on a whole different meaning when I came across the same Hebrew word in Isaiah in the sentence “As a lion or a young lion growls over its prey” (31:4, NRSV) … I always took delight in my dog’s delight, his playful seriousness, totally absorbed in the “one thing…needful” (Luke 10:42) Hagah is a word our Hebrew ancestors used for reading the kind of writing that deals with our souls. … But when Isaiah’s lion and my dog meditated, they chewed and swallowed, using teeth and tongue, stomach and intestines. Isaiah’s lion meditated his prey. My dog meditated his bone. You and I meditate the revelation in Scripture and Jesus.” When I read this earlier this summer, I was able to think of what I had corrected recently. I’ve been doing exercise at home since 2020 or perhaps later, watching a series of home exercise programs in YouTube by a Christian Broadcast Network channel. The exercise is simple with towels or water bottle in hands, yet I found it very helpful. I watched and followed 3~4 different videos and each video has 3 different sets of exercises. In the beginning of the video, a well known trainer shows how to do each exercise with a model, and explains the benefits of each exercise. When I started those exercises, I watched each video from the beginning, and listened to his explanation. But as I got used to each exercise in 4 different videos, I skipped the trainer’s explanation in the early part of them, and followed the model’s doing exercise. I became more focused on doing my daily or every other day routines as quickly as possible within 20 minutes or so. I did that perhaps for more than 2 years. Then, one day, I came to watch the exercise video from the very first part and listened to the trainer’s explanation as to what to keep in mind during exercise, such as breathing, balance, etc. So, I tried to do it rather slowly, focusing on breathing in each movement than finish exercise quickly. I used to focus on finishing exercise as quickly as possible, and felt good about doing exercise. But, when I slowly followed the teacher’s instruction and focused on my movement together with breathing on that day, I felt that now I was doing things quite correctly. What it counts is actually doing it correctly and slowly rather than doing it quickly and checking “Done” in my mind. I was also able to notice the effects of doing correctly and slowly. And I felt this applies to my meditating the Words. Just like Eugene’s dog chewed and meditated his bone, seriously and delightfully, and just like I saw the benefit from changing my behavior in exercise, I think we should meditate His Words, chewing slowly and delightfully. It’s not about how many chapters and verses we would read per day and feel proud of kind of achievement on daily “task”. It’s not a task, but relationship. Did we meet the Father, in slowly chewing His Words? Even with a verse or two per day, we can meet the Person, talk to Him and listen to Him, by chewing slowly His Words. On later part of Psalm 1:3 “He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.”, Eugene Peterson wrote: “And I love this detail: ‘planted by streams of water.’ Which is to say that it is a domestic tree, not a wild species growing by chance. … They were the tree that had been the object of care and cultivation, the knowledge and skill of the horticulturist God. Brains and purpose had been brought to bear on this tree. … For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, … (verse 6) Know in common usage among us mostly has to do with information. But in the Christian way, it is firsthand relationship, personal knowledge, historical, and existential. In Jesus Christ, God knows us, and then, because the initiative has been Sprit-given to us, we know God. But the knowledge is not speculative or literacy. It is personal and experienced. In this knowledge we are in on the foundational reality of existence.” Friend, I hope this blesses you, and I pray that you and I may chew delightfully and slowly His Words and we meet the Person and know Him in person (not know about Him) so that we are blessed, cultivated by Him and bring forth fruits. Have a bliss! Julie You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. (John 5:39~40) |
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