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Dear Friend, Happy New Year! In December 2023, my pastor in Singapore said in the monthly zoom meeting that 6 members of us including himself would have 21 day of fasting in January 2024. Whenever I hear the word, fasting, I always say to myself, “No!!!” I love eating foods, but now I can’t stomach as much as I did before, as aging. So, with fasting, I should eat even less! That’s a bad news. My pastor wouldn’t check whether each member did fast, nor did I want to pretend to fast, even if he would do. I used to read or listen to preachers’ sermons or teachings on fasting. And I myself used to experience God’s speaking to me during or after fasting & prayer, no matter whether it was an impression in my heart or His answering prayers. Yet, I wanted to listen to Pastor John Fenn’s teaching on fasting, as I recalled there were audio teaching series on that. And I learned from him (I paraphrase): Fasting is to take time to listen to God; It can be either delaying our meals by a couple of hours or skipping them to listen to God; Fasting is not to move God (like to make Him heal us, etc.); Be single-minded. (Have no ulterior motive. Some people fast to lose weight. Then, be honest to Him, saying “I want to fast to listen to You, but I also need to lose weight.” He already knows. Don’t be a hypocrite.); Fasting can be our lifestyle. His teaching encouraged me to start fasting in a new year, in order to listen to God. And I thought which meal of fasting out of three would be the least painful and I chose breakfast. I used to have an apple and a small bowl of corn cereal with almond milk at that time at about 7:30am, and my lunch was usually 11am. Rather than giving up or delaying the heaviest meal of the day, i.e. lunch, I thought I would give up small portion of breakfast and wait till 11am, to break fast. So, I expected to hear from Him, while I walked away from the dining table and looked at the sky, trees and so on through the windows in each morning. Then, on Jan. 20th, I opened my Bible and read Psalm 91:1~2, 14~16: He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” (V 1~2) After reading these verses, I started to read Psalm 95. Then, in my iPad, AppleMusic played out randomly, after a piano instrumental music was finished. And the new song was Julie True’s “He Who Dwells” and the lyric was Psalm 91:1~2 I just read a few minutes ago. I was surprised. At that time, the song was totally new to me, and it was never played out before. I simply felt it was the Father’s repeating it, after my reading Psalm 91:1~2. Then, Jan. 22nd, after 21 day of fasting was finally finished, I opened YouTube application and scrolled down to see what’s new, before going to bed. I came to see Pastor Francis Chan’s sermon, “The Power of a Quiet Life,” posted lately. I knew he is a good preacher and author, but I didn’t watch his videos often at all. But, the sermon title kept my eyes fixed. Quiet life. I recalled 1 Peter 3: 3~4 I had meditated on a while ago: Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. So, I began to listen to his sermon, closing my eyes on my bed. He quoted 1 Thes. 4:11: “that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you” And he talked about the current generation’s having no secret. So many Christians want to post their quiet time with the Lord over coffee and muffin in Instagram, etc. If there were miracles, they wanted to post all of them online. But Jesus used to say “Don’t tell anyone,” after He healed the sick. Then, he quoted John’s story in Revelation 10:1~4: I saw still another mighty angel coming down from heaven, clothed with a cloud. And a rainbow was on his head, his face was like the sun, and his feet like pillars of fire. He had a little book open in his hand. And he set his right foot on the sea and his left foot on the land, and cried with a loud voice, as when a lion roars. When he cried out, seven thunders uttered their voices. Now when the seven thunders uttered their voices, I was about to write; but I heard a voice from heaven saying to me, “Seal up the things which the seven thunders uttered, and do not write them.” He said that when John was trying to write the revelation from the heaven, the seven thunders’ utterance, God said, “Don’t write it. Don’t post it. It’s just for you. Between you and me.” So, it was kept in secret for 2,000 years, and only John knew what the seven thunders said. Can we be like John? Stewardship. (I paraphrase.) When I listened to his stunning insight on Revelation 10, I began to weep. It simply hit me, and reminded me of an incident. A couple of months ago, I had a wonderful moment with the Father. It should have been kept as a pillow talk. I didn’t write it down to post it here, nor did I sign in Facebook, Instagram, etc. of which I didn’t even remember passwords. Yet, I had pride as I had such an intimate time with Him, as if I were a teacher’s pet. So out of pride, I shared the wonderful moment the Father wanted to keep between Him and me, with friends over chatting. I put my pride before friendship with Him and stewardship. It didn’t matter whether I publicized it online or whether I talked to only a few friends. I violated the secret place. I wept and wept, repenting. He made me realize how precious it is for me to steward something He and I only know. I said to the Father, “Father, even if I can’t share precious moments between You and me in eternity, I would be fine. If you want me to keep it to myself forever, I will.” I realized that having the Father and our Lord, Jesus, is enough. Nothing is more important. I don’t need anyone’s approval. Just being His friend and knowing Him and being known by Him is enough. And my repentance turned into a thankful heart. I was even more grateful for His timely teaching through Francis Chan’s message. And Psalm 91:1~2, the secret place, came into my mind. After Francis’ message was over in YouTube, the next video popped up, which was a piano instrumental music. To my amazement, the verses on the background was exactly Psalm 91:1~2. And I had an impression in my heart that the Father honored my 21 day of fasting to listen to Him, and this is the message He wanted to give me. Over the last year, He repeated this message, the secret place, over and over again through my pastor, friend and books. Not only keeping the secret place, but I also want to keep the secret between Him and me. Writing down the draft of this blog, I thought of the story of King Hezekiah in Isaiah 39: At that time Merodach-Baladan the son of Baladan, king of Babylon, sent letters and a present to Hezekiah, for he heard that he had been sick and had recovered. And Hezekiah was pleased with them, and showed them the house of his treasures—the silver and gold, the spices and precious ointment, and all his armory—all that was found among his treasures. There was nothing in his house or in all his dominion that Hezekiah did not show them. Then Isaiah the prophet went to King Hezekiah, and said to him, “What did these men say, and from where did they come to you?” So Hezekiah said, “They came to me from a far country, from Babylon.” And he said, “What have they seen in your house?” So Hezekiah answered, “They have seen all that is in my house; there is nothing among my treasures that I have not shown them.” Then Isaiah said to Hezekiah, “Hear the word of the Lord of hosts: ‘Behold, the days are coming when all that is in your house, and what your fathers have accumulated until this day, shall be carried to Babylon; nothing shall be left,’ says the Lord. ‘And they shall take away some of your sons who will descend from you, whom you will beget; and they shall be eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.’ ” So Hezekiah said to Isaiah, “The word of the Lord which you have spoken is good!” For he said, “At least there will be peace and truth in my days.” Out of pride, Hezekiah showed every treasure he had to the enemy’s envoys. He wanted to impress them. But, we see God was displeased with his heart and action. Jesus also warned, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces. (Matt. 7:6)” In a series of weekly thoughts, Pastor John Fenn wrote about “Respect for Things of God.” Things of God, i.e. the gifts of the Spirit, angels, sex, and so forth: in your church are the things of God, angels, the gifts of the Spirit, treated with awe and respect and honor, or like play things given that we can share this new vision or that new experience that others may ooohhh and ahhhh? What is your church culture, the culture of your Christian friends? …The way Paul writes, it seems common knowledge that once they were reminded of the divine order of their marriages, including oversight by angels, it would change their behavior. Think about that. Respect for the divine. Respect for God’s order. Respect for angels in charge of your family. …I’ll talk about how familiarity with Jesus as a mere carpenter’s son prevented his hometown from respecting the larger truth about Him, and how today, many Christians are far too ‘familiar’ with the Father and Lord and have also lost sight of true revelation about the majesty and power of God. Lack of true revelation in church culture has led to much error. …Sex is the same way; to keep sex at the basic animal level is to defile ourselves who are made in the image of God. Sex is intended to be part of a holy and whole relationship with our spouse, including affection, tenderness, intimacy and more. It should involve our whole spirit and soul and body which is holy, not just our body which is merely animal. …That’s why the act of marriage on earth is a type and shadow of Christ and the church. A level of intimacy awaits us with our friends and relatives in heaven that is closer than any friendship or marriage on earth. True oneness in Christ. I used to be influenced by some church cultures online. Some Christians ooooh and ahhh angelic visitations, dreams and visions, signs and wonders and miracles. I do not mean that I don’t deny signs and wonders and miracles now. Our God is almighty and supernatural. And He is the same yesterday, today and forever. But, I saw pride in my heart and I repented. Now, I choose to be known by Him only. I don’t have to impress others, even if they are in a small circle of friends. I want to be His faithful friend, living a quiet life. Even if I had revelation or secret from Him that I should keep it to myself forever, I’d like to remain faithful. Spiritual pride do I choose to lay down. Friend, We call a place that’s not well known, but is very beautiful, a hidden gem. I like the words, hidden gem. And I think gem is supposed to be hidden. Being hidden. Secret. There is beauty to it. In all honesty, I don’t want hidden gems in Seoul to be known to many, as I don’t like them to be crowded. Once they are known to many and jam-packed, they are no more hidden gems. If you had treasures or gems in your house, you wouldn’t want to put them in your front yard at the door, to show them off, but would hide them. They are precious and priceless to you. God wants us to be in the secret place, and live a quiet life, stewarding the treasures He and we share in the secret place. Friend, I believe He wants you and me to live in the secret place of the Most High not only in 2025, but till He catches us away. May we live a quiet life and steward the treasures. Amen! Have a bliss! Julie My son, if you receive my words, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you had or are having a good day, today? In June this year, I decided to have so-called media fasting for a week. I found myself too distracted by YouTube, online shopping and so forth. So, for a week, I decided not to see my mobile phone & iPad, but pray in tongues, read the Bible and worship the Father. But soon enough, I was distracted. Once I received a new summer hat for mom from online shopping, I wanted to buy something for myself. I even found out international shipment through Amazon doesn’t charge shipping, if it’s above US$49.9 or so. So, one evening, I spent many hours on having a look at some items I wanted to buy. Later, I felt so guilty, as I was not even able to dedicate myself to the Lord for a week, but ended up distracted. The next morning, when I was still lingering on my bed, I still felt guilty. But then, I came to think that guilt is not from the Father, and it is from the focus on myself, not on the Lord. And I knew I was already forgiven, when I repented last night. Later when I had breakfast with mom, I was thinking of Psalm 103:1~3a: Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, So I wanted to read Psalm 103, and opened my NKJV Bible. Lo and behold, when I opened it, the page exactly had Psalm 103. I read it, personalizing it. Later, I wanted to read Proverbs in The Message Bible. When I opened it, again, the page exactly had Psalm 103. I grinned. The Father’s sense of humor. Nothing is coincidence. I was comforted by His goodness and I got assured that I was already forgiven. Yet later when I still failed and felt guilty, I intentionally opened a chapter on Sin (David and Bathsheba) in Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall. I share some excerpts from it: Nathan Preaches The story takes a gospel turn when David’s pastor, Nathan, shows up and preaches him a sermon. At the moment David has no idea that he’s listening to a sermon, for he isn’t sitting in a pew and Nathan isn’t standing in a pulpit. There’s no explicit reference to God in the sermon, and there’s no altar call. Nathan is good at this. He stalks his prey. He tells an artless, simple story about a rich man with large flocks of sheep who needs a lamb for a dinner he’s giving. But instead of taking a lamb from his own flocks, he cruelly and arrogantly takes the pet lamb of a poor man living down the street. He kills the lamb and serves it up to his guests. David, drawn into the story, is outraged at this callous cruelty and, as a righteous judge, passes a death sentence on the rich man. Then Nathan pounces: “You are the man” (2 Sam. 12:7). This is the gospel focus: you are the man; you are the woman. The gospel is never about somebody else; it’s always about you, about me. The gospel is never a truth in general; it’s always a truth in specific. … it’s always about actual persons, actual pain, actual trouble, actual sin: you, me; who you are and what you’ve done; who I am and what I’ve done. … Only when I recognize and confess my sin am I in a position to recognize and respond to the God who saves me from my sin. If I’m ignorant of or indifferent to my sin, I’m ignorant of or indifferent to the great and central good news: “Jesus saves!” In the Christian life our primary task isn’t to avoid sin, which is impossible anyway, but to recognize sin. … But if we stay with the story - the God story, the David story, the Jesus story - before long, the condemnation gives way, whether slowly or suddenly, to the surprised realization of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. …. The subtlety of sin is that it doesn’t feel like sin when we’re doing it; it feels godlike, it feels religious, it feels fulfilling and satisfying - a reply of the episode in Eden when the tempter said, “Ye shall not die… ye shall be as gods” (Gen. 3:4~5, KJV) … Somewhere along the line he (David) had withdrawn from the life of worship: adoration of God had receded, and obsession with self had moved in. David Prays (Psalms 51) But before those wrongs came Sin - sin against God by setting himself at the center, displacing God…. In and through this prayer we find ourselves in a place spacious with freedom and resonant with love. When we find ourselves before God - honestly, adoringly, believingly before God - we find our true humanity. We’re not less but more; we’re not demeaned but dignified; we’re not condemned but saved. David’s sin, enormous as it was, was wildly outdone by God’s grace. … It’s always a mistake to concentrate attention on our sins; it’s God’s work on our sins that’s the main event…. We have a finite number of ways to sin; God has an infinite number of ways to forgive. Jesus God is personal before us: honest, open, receptive. This personal God is facing and taking care of my personal sin, making me right with God…. The place of sin is a place not of accusation or condemnation but of salvation. The gospel comes into focus here not in an accusation but as recognition and invitation. Recognition: I’m the one whose sense of sin arouses a sense of God. Invitation: Jesus is the one who presents God to me - I didn’t know God was that close, that kindly, that inviting! - and brings me into personal relationship with him in love and salvation. I’m the one who needs God more than anything - more than pleasure with Bathsheba, more than control over Uriah. God. And Jesus is the one who brings the God I need to me. Later in this fall, God dealt with my sin in a very personal way. When I sin, I tend to hide it by not talking about it to Him, but I feel uncomfortable in my heart. I thought of Adam and Eve’s hiding away after they ate the forbidden fruit. Then, I found He dealt with me, by showing me something in my daily life as metaphor. When I saw that three times, I realized it was the Lord’s talking to me. He was actually showing me how I would cut off idolatry (anything between Him and me), using irritating bugs in my place. Just like Eugene Peterson wrote, God is that close, that kind, that inviting. And He brought me into personal relationship in love and salvation. I didn’t feel condemned but I need His mercy and salvation. In fact, He reminded me of another book of Eugene Peterson on the well-known verses from Lamentation: “Where did Jeremiah learn his persistence? … He learned it from God. Jeremiah learned to live persistently toward God because God lived persistently toward him. The five poem-prayers in Lamentation (written in the tradition of Jeremiah) express the suffering God’s people experienced during and after the fall of Jerusalem, the most devastating disaster in their history. At the very center of this dark time, and placed at almost the exact center of these five poems that lament the sin and suffering, there is this verse: ‘God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!’ (Lam 3:23). There it is - ‘new every morning… great is your faithfulness.’ God’s persistence is not a dogged repetition of duty. It has all the surprise and creativity, and yet all the certainty and regularity, of a new day. Sunrise - when the spontaneous and the certain arrive at the same time. Does anyone ever get used to daybreak? .. Daybreak is always a surprise. … If the repetitions in nature are never boring, how much less the repetitions in God.” (From Run with the Horses) His mercy is new every morning. This verse hit home, as if I read and realized what it meant for the first time. No matter what sin I committed, His mercy is new every morning. Not only to me, but to you. Our sins were forgiven, as He is full of mercy and His mercy is new every morning. And I also realized that our love toward spouse, parent, child and so on should be new every morning, just like His loyal love doesn’t run out, but is created new every morning. Friend, we all sin. Your sin might be different from mine, but we all sin. That is why our Lord Jesus came to earth in human body, to save us. I pray you and I may see His mercy new every morning and be merciful and faithful to one another. Amen. Merry Christmas to you & your family! Have a bliss! Julie When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Mark 2:17) Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’re well. In August last year, I had an incident where I felt as if I were panicked. A family member who used to make traumatic events in the past simply tried to come to my place without asking me or letting me know in advance. Thankfully, I was in my favorite cafe with mom, and another member of family informed me that this person was on her way to my place. First, I became angry with her not respecting my boundary. Then, my heart started to pound, as I tried to hide away for a while, not to see her. I’ve had difficult times since she was in town for the past few months last year. Later on that day, we met in my place, but I had to lie on the bed due to severe headache and nausea from the stress. I said to the Father, “How long should I put up with her?” Then, one of Pastor John Fenn’s teachings came into my mind: “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. (2 Peter 1:5~7)” To my recollection, he said something like not only I should grow, but other brothers and sisters in Christ should grow in this path as well. I also recalled his teaching on setting the boundary. So, after the nausea was gone and another member of my family came in, I started conversation with her in front of another member as witness. I needed witness, as I recently found out that she had told a lie about me a few years back. Anyway, the conversation went well. She went back to her place, saying apology. Yet, I was still angry at her. I was already exhausted by her stubbornness, self-centeredness, and so forth. So, I vented my feelings, talking to my friends including my hairdresser, and other member of my family. I can’t recall how soon, but I think, much later did I realize that I hadn’t talked about how I had felt to the Father. I was reminded of another teaching of Pastor John Fenn about holiness: Holiness is about transparency. And I realized that I had avoided talking to the Father about her, as my feeling toward her was something negative: I was angry; I fumed; Seriously, I was disgusted at her. Yet, I tried to hide my feelings while He knew everything. I tried to pretend as if I were good and holy in front of Him. But, He already knew all my thoughts and I didn’t have to hide anything. It was ok to say to Him my honest thoughts and feelings. So, I said to Him, “She is a bitch! Crab! What a bitch! Why in the world do You love her?” “…” Then, I laughed. I was being brutally honest and transparent to Him. I became overjoyed. I didn’t have to pretend to be good. I’m just bad like that, and He already knows that. And I was glad, as I was transparent to Him. And my secret was safe with Him, no matter what I said. So, I decided to pour out my feelings to Him. But, you know, you can’t continue to say cuss words on someone to Him everyday. He would give us some impression in our hearts. He knew she was wrong and she has some faults in her character. Yet, He wanted me to pray for her. His love is not based on how good we are or what good works we did. From the outset, He loves the world so that He gave His begotten Son. Even when you and I were sinners, He loved us and we were saved simply by His grace. So, I stopped cuss words, but prayed for her. Not only for her, but He also reminded me of His promise that He showed me through a dream. He wanted me to receive the reward He planned for me in eternity, and He didn’t want me to lose it by being distracted by the enemy’s tactics. I was even more thankful to the Father for His goodness. More than a year after that incident, I came to read about Jeremiah’s prayer from Eugene Peterson’s Run with the Horses: “‘Talking to God, I felt, is always better than talking about God (Therese of Lisieux)’ …What we find is Jeremiah praying: addressing God, listening to God. Prayer is the act in which we approach God as living person, a thou to whom we speak, not an it that we talk about. Prayer is the attention that we give to the one who attends to us. It is the decision to approach God as the personal center, as our Lord and our Savior, our entire lives gathered up and expressed in the approach. Prayer is personal language raised to the highest degree. …That is a picture of prayer. The person with whom we set aside time for intimacy, for this deepest and most personal conversation, is God. At such times the world is not banished, but it is in the shadows, on the periphery. Prayer is never complete and unrelieved solitude; it is, though, carefully protected and skillfully supported intimacy. Prayer is the desire to listen to God firsthand, to speak to God firsthand, and then setting aside the time and making the arrangements to do it. It issues from the conviction that the living God is immensely important to me and that goes on between us demands my exclusive attention. … The confession of Jeremiah are no parody but the real thing - exclusive focus on God: intense, undivided preoccupation with God. …. What goes on in these intimate exchanges between Jeremiah and God? We know who he is with in secret; what does he say in secret? The confession in Jeremiah 15 is a fair sample. Here some of us are in for another surprise, for the uninstructed idea of prayer is that it is accepting and soothing, that the person at prayer is the person at peace in the universe. But Jeremiah at prayer is scared, lonely, hurt and angry. ‘You know where I am, God! Remember what I’m doing here! Take my side against my detractors. (Jer. 15:15)’ …Jeremiah was not timid in his prayers. As even bolder accusation came later when he raged, ‘You seduced me, Yahweh, and I let you; You seized and overcame me’ (Jer 20:7 Bright’s translation) … That is Jeremiah at prayer: scared, lonely, hurt, angry. A surprise? … Everything he experienced and thought he set in relationship to a living, knowing, saving God. And the moment these things are set in relationship to God something begins to happen. …Jeremiah stops speaking but prayer continues, for prayer does not end when we end. In prayer God is not merely audience; he is partner. Jeremiah has spoken honestly; now he listens expectantly. …Jeremiah’s part in the prayer was to be honest and personal; it is God with whom he has to do. The first requirement in a personal relationship is to be ourselves. Off with the masks. Away with the pretense. ‘It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, O Lord.’ Jeremiah’s prayer is not pious, not nice, not proper - he speaks what he feels, and he feels scared, lonely, hurt and angry. Well enough. God’s part in the prayer is to restore and save. Before God in my prayer we do not remain the same. The fright and loneliness and pain and accusation are all there, but they do not stay there. God feels our pains, but he does not indulge our self-pity. … Priorities are reestablished in prayer. It makes all the difference in the world whether God is in the first place or in the second. … The setting of priorities is not a once-and-for-all act. It has to be redone frequently. Balance shift. Circumstances change. Moods swing. Is it still God, in face, with whom I have first of all to do, or is it not? Prayer is the place where the priorities are reestablished. … Everything God said then he says still. The promise is still in effect. It is not enough to remember; we must hear it again. Prayer is the act in which we hear it again. It is not enough to carry memory verses around with us; we need daily encounter with the resonant voice of God. Prayer is that encounter. Situations change. Does God change? We pray. We listen. God speaks his word again - the same word! - and we are restored and renewed in our commitment. …The word of God does not change and my call does not change, but the relationship is under constant assault and must be renewed constantly. Resolve is essential but not enough. In prayer God provides renewal. Prayer is not so much the place where we learn something new, but where God confirms anew the faith to which we are committed. … No one becomes human the way Jeremiah was human by posing in a posture of victory. It was his prayers, hidden but persistent, that brought him to the human wholeness and spiritual sensitivity that we want. What we do in the secret determines the soundness of who we are in public. Prayer is the secret work that develops a life that is thoroughly authentic and deeply human. Friend, I can’t resonate with him more. And I hope you’re encouraged by my own story as well as Eugene’s insight. I pray that you and I commune with Him in our secret place, not only when we are overjoyed, but when scared, lonely, hurt and angry. It’s about relationship with the Father. Our communion with Him in the secret place. Talking to and listen to Him. At the end of the day, He would ultimately bring us where He wants us to be, through prayer. Have a bliss! Julie Thus my heart was grieved, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you are well. Are you familiar with David’s story in Ziklag? I was not. Interestingly enough, though, God spoke to me about it 4~5 times in a month of June this year. A few hours before a monthly zoom meeting in June, I prayed that He would speak to me through my pastor’s wife who was supposed to share a word. She talked about Psalm 46 on that day, and she made a comment on Ziklag story in 1 Samuel 30. It was the 3rd time I heard about it, after reading it from Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall and David Wilkerson’s America’s Last Call. “Now it happened, when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the South and Ziklag, attacked Ziklag and burned it with fire, and had taken captive the women and those who were there, from small to great; they did not kill anyone, but carried them away and went their way. So David and his men came to the city, and there it was, burned with fire; and their wives, their sons, and their daughters had been taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep. And David’s two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the widow of Nabal the Carmelite, had been taken captive. Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. (1 Sam. 30:1~6)” David had 600 men who accompanied him in his wilderness life. But as they found out their beloved family had been taken captive, they tried to kill their leader, David. But when David inquired of the Lord and was told to pursue the enemy and recover all, 400 men joined him. But 200 timid men were left. Now the story after David recovered all is : “Then all the wicked and worthless men of those who went with David answered and said, “Because they did not go with us, we will not give them any of the spoil that we have recovered, except for every man’s wife and children, that they may lead them away and depart.” But David said, “My brethren, you shall not do so with what the Lord has given us, who has preserved us and delivered into our hand the troop that came against us. (1 Samuel 30:22~23) “Ziklag, for me, is the premier biblical location for realizing that when we get serious about the Christian life we eventually end up in a place and among people decidedly uncongenial to what we had expected. That place and people is often called a church. It’s hard to get over the disappointment that God, having made an exception in my case, doesn’t call nice people to repentance. The Christian life is never just my story; it’s a community of stories. I learn my story in company with others. Each story affects and is affected by each of the others. Most of these others are distressed, in debt, and discontent. … We’re a company…. Disillusioned, we go off on our own and cultivate a pure spirituality uncontaminated by religious hucksters and hypocrites. But eventually, if we’re honest and reading our Bibles honestly, we find we can’t do it. We can’t survive in the wilderness alone. We need others, and we need a leader. And then we begin to get it: God’s purposes are being worked out most profoundly when we’re least aware of them. Spirituality most of the time doesn’t look like spirituality, or at least what the moralists and secularists told us it was supposed to look like…. Every time I move to a new community, I find a church close by and join it - committing myself to worship and work with the company of God’s people. I’ve never been anything other than disappointed: everyone turns out to be biblical, through and through: murmurers, complainers, the faithless, the inconstant, those plagued with doubt and riddled with sin, boring moralizers, glamorous secularizes. (From Leap over a Wall)” Through this story, I felt the Father was trying to teach me that no matter whether it’s house church or traditional auditorium church, I would have company like David’s company, who might try to stone me. The Bible says “all the wicked and worthless men” for 400 men. As Eugene Peterson wrote, it might be disillusion or unbiblical if I would think I would go on my own spiritual journey alone or I would always meet mature Christians as my company or I would have congenial company in my home group all the time. Even Jesus had Judas among his precious 12 disciples. And I came to think of the verse: “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil. 3:10~11)” If I choose to be His follower and know Him in person, the fellowship of His sufferings seems to be inevitable. Just like the wicked and worthless men of David, we have the wicked and worthless in church. Perhaps we are one of them. Looking back upon my home groups in Shanghai and Singapore, I recall not all members were mature and Christ-like. Some were very self-centered, still loved the world, gossiped, backbit and complained, just like Eugene wrote. It didn’t seem that aging guarantees maturity. I think the Father wanted to teach me through David in Ziklag. In all honesty, I’ve imagined that I would have perfect spiritual friends in my future house church. Certainly, He would give me some, but not all of them would be congenial. Some might try to stone me, though not literally. Backstabbing, backbiting or lying about me, even after sharing meals at home. It even happened in my family. Then, why wouldn’t it happen in church? But, David’s story didn’t end there. Pastor David Guzik wrote in Enduring Word: “This is the final step in David’s getting things right after his time of backsliding among the Philistines. · David strengthened himself in the LORD his God. · David inquired of the LORD. · David believed God’s promise. · David did what God told him to do. · David showed unexpected care and kindness to others. · David saw it as the LORD’s victory. · David shared the reward with others. · David did what he could to mend relationships.” I found that in the life-threatening situation, David prayed. He listened to God. In the middle of pursing the enemy, David happened to meet an Egyptian who later helped David locate the enemy. “b. Then David said to him, “To whom do you belong, and where are you from?” David took a caring interest in this man. He showed simple care and kindness to a nobody. They didn’t just give this Egyptian food and water; they gave him care and kindness. c. I am a young man from Egypt, servant of an Amalekite…. we burned Ziklag with fire: In showing unexpected kindness to this Egyptian, God showed David unexpected blessing. The Egyptian promised to guide David to the camp of the Amalekites.” (From David Guzik’s Enduring Word) I found David had no ulterior motive when he extended grace and kindness toward this Egyptian. He was simply kind, as he was after God’s heart. Just like David, if we would be after His heart and have His kindness and meekness, we would unexpectedly see His providence and provision. Then, I also found very encouraging insight of David Guzik: “c. This is David’s spoil: God gave David even more than what He promised. He received spoil from the battle, beyond what was taken from Ziklag. This was a blessing straight from the grace of God.” At the end of the day, David recovered all his family as well as the family of 600 men, and he received spoil. Friend, I believe that God wanted to teach me and prepare my heart for the fellowship of His sufferings, in following our Lord, Jesus and making disciples. We will have 600 men of David, and Judas Iscariot in our church, the community whom we have meals together with at home. But, we strengthen ourselves in the Lord and learn from Him. “Generosity (David at the Brook Besor) Everything we have is a gift from God; we share it with who are saved by God” (I Samuel 30:23~25) … These are the men of Ziklag with nothing in their backgrounds to be proud of, all of them picked up from a disreputable life and brought, though no merit of their own, into the net of God’s providence and salvation. ... One of the reasons that Christians are dispersed in the world is to recover a life for others and practice a priesthood of all believers - connect with others in an earthy, Davidic compassion so thoroughly that no expert or professional can ever again bluff us into passivity or consumerism. David at the Brook Besor anticipates Jesus: ‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly’ (Matt. 11:28~30, The Message) (From Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall)” Have a bliss! Julie Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” |
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