|
Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you had or are having a good day, today? In June this year, I decided to have so-called media fasting for a week. I found myself too distracted by YouTube, online shopping and so forth. So, for a week, I decided not to see my mobile phone & iPad, but pray in tongues, read the Bible and worship the Father. But soon enough, I was distracted. Once I received a new summer hat for mom from online shopping, I wanted to buy something for myself. I even found out international shipment through Amazon doesn’t charge shipping, if it’s above US$49.9 or so. So, one evening, I spent many hours on having a look at some items I wanted to buy. Later, I felt so guilty, as I was not even able to dedicate myself to the Lord for a week, but ended up distracted. The next morning, when I was still lingering on my bed, I still felt guilty. But then, I came to think that guilt is not from the Father, and it is from the focus on myself, not on the Lord. And I knew I was already forgiven, when I repented last night. Later when I had breakfast with mom, I was thinking of Psalm 103:1~3a: Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, So I wanted to read Psalm 103, and opened my NKJV Bible. Lo and behold, when I opened it, the page exactly had Psalm 103. I read it, personalizing it. Later, I wanted to read Proverbs in The Message Bible. When I opened it, again, the page exactly had Psalm 103. I grinned. The Father’s sense of humor. Nothing is coincidence. I was comforted by His goodness and I got assured that I was already forgiven. Yet later when I still failed and felt guilty, I intentionally opened a chapter on Sin (David and Bathsheba) in Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall. I share some excerpts from it: Nathan Preaches The story takes a gospel turn when David’s pastor, Nathan, shows up and preaches him a sermon. At the moment David has no idea that he’s listening to a sermon, for he isn’t sitting in a pew and Nathan isn’t standing in a pulpit. There’s no explicit reference to God in the sermon, and there’s no altar call. Nathan is good at this. He stalks his prey. He tells an artless, simple story about a rich man with large flocks of sheep who needs a lamb for a dinner he’s giving. But instead of taking a lamb from his own flocks, he cruelly and arrogantly takes the pet lamb of a poor man living down the street. He kills the lamb and serves it up to his guests. David, drawn into the story, is outraged at this callous cruelty and, as a righteous judge, passes a death sentence on the rich man. Then Nathan pounces: “You are the man” (2 Sam. 12:7). This is the gospel focus: you are the man; you are the woman. The gospel is never about somebody else; it’s always about you, about me. The gospel is never a truth in general; it’s always a truth in specific. … it’s always about actual persons, actual pain, actual trouble, actual sin: you, me; who you are and what you’ve done; who I am and what I’ve done. … Only when I recognize and confess my sin am I in a position to recognize and respond to the God who saves me from my sin. If I’m ignorant of or indifferent to my sin, I’m ignorant of or indifferent to the great and central good news: “Jesus saves!” In the Christian life our primary task isn’t to avoid sin, which is impossible anyway, but to recognize sin. … But if we stay with the story - the God story, the David story, the Jesus story - before long, the condemnation gives way, whether slowly or suddenly, to the surprised realization of grace, mercy, and forgiveness. …. The subtlety of sin is that it doesn’t feel like sin when we’re doing it; it feels godlike, it feels religious, it feels fulfilling and satisfying - a reply of the episode in Eden when the tempter said, “Ye shall not die… ye shall be as gods” (Gen. 3:4~5, KJV) … Somewhere along the line he (David) had withdrawn from the life of worship: adoration of God had receded, and obsession with self had moved in. David Prays (Psalms 51) But before those wrongs came Sin - sin against God by setting himself at the center, displacing God…. In and through this prayer we find ourselves in a place spacious with freedom and resonant with love. When we find ourselves before God - honestly, adoringly, believingly before God - we find our true humanity. We’re not less but more; we’re not demeaned but dignified; we’re not condemned but saved. David’s sin, enormous as it was, was wildly outdone by God’s grace. … It’s always a mistake to concentrate attention on our sins; it’s God’s work on our sins that’s the main event…. We have a finite number of ways to sin; God has an infinite number of ways to forgive. Jesus God is personal before us: honest, open, receptive. This personal God is facing and taking care of my personal sin, making me right with God…. The place of sin is a place not of accusation or condemnation but of salvation. The gospel comes into focus here not in an accusation but as recognition and invitation. Recognition: I’m the one whose sense of sin arouses a sense of God. Invitation: Jesus is the one who presents God to me - I didn’t know God was that close, that kindly, that inviting! - and brings me into personal relationship with him in love and salvation. I’m the one who needs God more than anything - more than pleasure with Bathsheba, more than control over Uriah. God. And Jesus is the one who brings the God I need to me. Later in this fall, God dealt with my sin in a very personal way. When I sin, I tend to hide it by not talking about it to Him, but I feel uncomfortable in my heart. I thought of Adam and Eve’s hiding away after they ate the forbidden fruit. Then, I found He dealt with me, by showing me something in my daily life as metaphor. When I saw that three times, I realized it was the Lord’s talking to me. He was actually showing me how I would cut off idolatry (anything between Him and me), using irritating bugs in my place. Just like Eugene Peterson wrote, God is that close, that kind, that inviting. And He brought me into personal relationship in love and salvation. I didn’t feel condemned but I need His mercy and salvation. In fact, He reminded me of another book of Eugene Peterson on the well-known verses from Lamentation: “Where did Jeremiah learn his persistence? … He learned it from God. Jeremiah learned to live persistently toward God because God lived persistently toward him. The five poem-prayers in Lamentation (written in the tradition of Jeremiah) express the suffering God’s people experienced during and after the fall of Jerusalem, the most devastating disaster in their history. At the very center of this dark time, and placed at almost the exact center of these five poems that lament the sin and suffering, there is this verse: ‘God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness!’ (Lam 3:23). There it is - ‘new every morning… great is your faithfulness.’ God’s persistence is not a dogged repetition of duty. It has all the surprise and creativity, and yet all the certainty and regularity, of a new day. Sunrise - when the spontaneous and the certain arrive at the same time. Does anyone ever get used to daybreak? .. Daybreak is always a surprise. … If the repetitions in nature are never boring, how much less the repetitions in God.” (From Run with the Horses) His mercy is new every morning. This verse hit home, as if I read and realized what it meant for the first time. No matter what sin I committed, His mercy is new every morning. Not only to me, but to you. Our sins were forgiven, as He is full of mercy and His mercy is new every morning. And I also realized that our love toward spouse, parent, child and so on should be new every morning, just like His loyal love doesn’t run out, but is created new every morning. Friend, we all sin. Your sin might be different from mine, but we all sin. That is why our Lord Jesus came to earth in human body, to save us. I pray you and I may see His mercy new every morning and be merciful and faithful to one another. Amen. Merry Christmas to you & your family! Have a bliss! Julie When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Mark 2:17) Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’re well. In August last year, I had an incident where I felt as if I were panicked. A family member who used to make traumatic events in the past simply tried to come to my place without asking me or letting me know in advance. Thankfully, I was in my favorite cafe with mom, and another member of family informed me that this person was on her way to my place. First, I became angry with her not respecting my boundary. Then, my heart started to pound, as I tried to hide away for a while, not to see her. I’ve had difficult times since she was in town for the past few months last year. Later on that day, we met in my place, but I had to lie on the bed due to severe headache and nausea from the stress. I said to the Father, “How long should I put up with her?” Then, one of Pastor John Fenn’s teachings came into my mind: “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. (2 Peter 1:5~7)” To my recollection, he said something like not only I should grow, but other brothers and sisters in Christ should grow in this path as well. I also recalled his teaching on setting the boundary. So, after the nausea was gone and another member of my family came in, I started conversation with her in front of another member as witness. I needed witness, as I recently found out that she had told a lie about me a few years back. Anyway, the conversation went well. She went back to her place, saying apology. Yet, I was still angry at her. I was already exhausted by her stubbornness, self-centeredness, and so forth. So, I vented my feelings, talking to my friends including my hairdresser, and other member of my family. I can’t recall how soon, but I think, much later did I realize that I hadn’t talked about how I had felt to the Father. I was reminded of another teaching of Pastor John Fenn about holiness: Holiness is about transparency. And I realized that I had avoided talking to the Father about her, as my feeling toward her was something negative: I was angry; I fumed; Seriously, I was disgusted at her. Yet, I tried to hide my feelings while He knew everything. I tried to pretend as if I were good and holy in front of Him. But, He already knew all my thoughts and I didn’t have to hide anything. It was ok to say to Him my honest thoughts and feelings. So, I said to Him, “She is a bitch! Crab! What a bitch! Why in the world do You love her?” “…” Then, I laughed. I was being brutally honest and transparent to Him. I became overjoyed. I didn’t have to pretend to be good. I’m just bad like that, and He already knows that. And I was glad, as I was transparent to Him. And my secret was safe with Him, no matter what I said. So, I decided to pour out my feelings to Him. But, you know, you can’t continue to say cuss words on someone to Him everyday. He would give us some impression in our hearts. He knew she was wrong and she has some faults in her character. Yet, He wanted me to pray for her. His love is not based on how good we are or what good works we did. From the outset, He loves the world so that He gave His begotten Son. Even when you and I were sinners, He loved us and we were saved simply by His grace. So, I stopped cuss words, but prayed for her. Not only for her, but He also reminded me of His promise that He showed me through a dream. He wanted me to receive the reward He planned for me in eternity, and He didn’t want me to lose it by being distracted by the enemy’s tactics. I was even more thankful to the Father for His goodness. More than a year after that incident, I came to read about Jeremiah’s prayer from Eugene Peterson’s Run with the Horses: “‘Talking to God, I felt, is always better than talking about God (Therese of Lisieux)’ …What we find is Jeremiah praying: addressing God, listening to God. Prayer is the act in which we approach God as living person, a thou to whom we speak, not an it that we talk about. Prayer is the attention that we give to the one who attends to us. It is the decision to approach God as the personal center, as our Lord and our Savior, our entire lives gathered up and expressed in the approach. Prayer is personal language raised to the highest degree. …That is a picture of prayer. The person with whom we set aside time for intimacy, for this deepest and most personal conversation, is God. At such times the world is not banished, but it is in the shadows, on the periphery. Prayer is never complete and unrelieved solitude; it is, though, carefully protected and skillfully supported intimacy. Prayer is the desire to listen to God firsthand, to speak to God firsthand, and then setting aside the time and making the arrangements to do it. It issues from the conviction that the living God is immensely important to me and that goes on between us demands my exclusive attention. … The confession of Jeremiah are no parody but the real thing - exclusive focus on God: intense, undivided preoccupation with God. …. What goes on in these intimate exchanges between Jeremiah and God? We know who he is with in secret; what does he say in secret? The confession in Jeremiah 15 is a fair sample. Here some of us are in for another surprise, for the uninstructed idea of prayer is that it is accepting and soothing, that the person at prayer is the person at peace in the universe. But Jeremiah at prayer is scared, lonely, hurt and angry. ‘You know where I am, God! Remember what I’m doing here! Take my side against my detractors. (Jer. 15:15)’ …Jeremiah was not timid in his prayers. As even bolder accusation came later when he raged, ‘You seduced me, Yahweh, and I let you; You seized and overcame me’ (Jer 20:7 Bright’s translation) … That is Jeremiah at prayer: scared, lonely, hurt, angry. A surprise? … Everything he experienced and thought he set in relationship to a living, knowing, saving God. And the moment these things are set in relationship to God something begins to happen. …Jeremiah stops speaking but prayer continues, for prayer does not end when we end. In prayer God is not merely audience; he is partner. Jeremiah has spoken honestly; now he listens expectantly. …Jeremiah’s part in the prayer was to be honest and personal; it is God with whom he has to do. The first requirement in a personal relationship is to be ourselves. Off with the masks. Away with the pretense. ‘It’s me, it’s me, it’s me, O Lord.’ Jeremiah’s prayer is not pious, not nice, not proper - he speaks what he feels, and he feels scared, lonely, hurt and angry. Well enough. God’s part in the prayer is to restore and save. Before God in my prayer we do not remain the same. The fright and loneliness and pain and accusation are all there, but they do not stay there. God feels our pains, but he does not indulge our self-pity. … Priorities are reestablished in prayer. It makes all the difference in the world whether God is in the first place or in the second. … The setting of priorities is not a once-and-for-all act. It has to be redone frequently. Balance shift. Circumstances change. Moods swing. Is it still God, in face, with whom I have first of all to do, or is it not? Prayer is the place where the priorities are reestablished. … Everything God said then he says still. The promise is still in effect. It is not enough to remember; we must hear it again. Prayer is the act in which we hear it again. It is not enough to carry memory verses around with us; we need daily encounter with the resonant voice of God. Prayer is that encounter. Situations change. Does God change? We pray. We listen. God speaks his word again - the same word! - and we are restored and renewed in our commitment. …The word of God does not change and my call does not change, but the relationship is under constant assault and must be renewed constantly. Resolve is essential but not enough. In prayer God provides renewal. Prayer is not so much the place where we learn something new, but where God confirms anew the faith to which we are committed. … No one becomes human the way Jeremiah was human by posing in a posture of victory. It was his prayers, hidden but persistent, that brought him to the human wholeness and spiritual sensitivity that we want. What we do in the secret determines the soundness of who we are in public. Prayer is the secret work that develops a life that is thoroughly authentic and deeply human. Friend, I can’t resonate with him more. And I hope you’re encouraged by my own story as well as Eugene’s insight. I pray that you and I commune with Him in our secret place, not only when we are overjoyed, but when scared, lonely, hurt and angry. It’s about relationship with the Father. Our communion with Him in the secret place. Talking to and listen to Him. At the end of the day, He would ultimately bring us where He wants us to be, through prayer. Have a bliss! Julie Thus my heart was grieved, Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you are well. Are you familiar with David’s story in Ziklag? I was not. Interestingly enough, though, God spoke to me about it 4~5 times in a month of June this year. A few hours before a monthly zoom meeting in June, I prayed that He would speak to me through my pastor’s wife who was supposed to share a word. She talked about Psalm 46 on that day, and she made a comment on Ziklag story in 1 Samuel 30. It was the 3rd time I heard about it, after reading it from Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall and David Wilkerson’s America’s Last Call. “Now it happened, when David and his men came to Ziklag, on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the South and Ziklag, attacked Ziklag and burned it with fire, and had taken captive the women and those who were there, from small to great; they did not kill anyone, but carried them away and went their way. So David and his men came to the city, and there it was, burned with fire; and their wives, their sons, and their daughters had been taken captive. Then David and the people who were with him lifted up their voices and wept, until they had no more power to weep. And David’s two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the widow of Nabal the Carmelite, had been taken captive. Now David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God. (1 Sam. 30:1~6)” David had 600 men who accompanied him in his wilderness life. But as they found out their beloved family had been taken captive, they tried to kill their leader, David. But when David inquired of the Lord and was told to pursue the enemy and recover all, 400 men joined him. But 200 timid men were left. Now the story after David recovered all is : “Then all the wicked and worthless men of those who went with David answered and said, “Because they did not go with us, we will not give them any of the spoil that we have recovered, except for every man’s wife and children, that they may lead them away and depart.” But David said, “My brethren, you shall not do so with what the Lord has given us, who has preserved us and delivered into our hand the troop that came against us. (1 Samuel 30:22~23) “Ziklag, for me, is the premier biblical location for realizing that when we get serious about the Christian life we eventually end up in a place and among people decidedly uncongenial to what we had expected. That place and people is often called a church. It’s hard to get over the disappointment that God, having made an exception in my case, doesn’t call nice people to repentance. The Christian life is never just my story; it’s a community of stories. I learn my story in company with others. Each story affects and is affected by each of the others. Most of these others are distressed, in debt, and discontent. … We’re a company…. Disillusioned, we go off on our own and cultivate a pure spirituality uncontaminated by religious hucksters and hypocrites. But eventually, if we’re honest and reading our Bibles honestly, we find we can’t do it. We can’t survive in the wilderness alone. We need others, and we need a leader. And then we begin to get it: God’s purposes are being worked out most profoundly when we’re least aware of them. Spirituality most of the time doesn’t look like spirituality, or at least what the moralists and secularists told us it was supposed to look like…. Every time I move to a new community, I find a church close by and join it - committing myself to worship and work with the company of God’s people. I’ve never been anything other than disappointed: everyone turns out to be biblical, through and through: murmurers, complainers, the faithless, the inconstant, those plagued with doubt and riddled with sin, boring moralizers, glamorous secularizes. (From Leap over a Wall)” Through this story, I felt the Father was trying to teach me that no matter whether it’s house church or traditional auditorium church, I would have company like David’s company, who might try to stone me. The Bible says “all the wicked and worthless men” for 400 men. As Eugene Peterson wrote, it might be disillusion or unbiblical if I would think I would go on my own spiritual journey alone or I would always meet mature Christians as my company or I would have congenial company in my home group all the time. Even Jesus had Judas among his precious 12 disciples. And I came to think of the verse: “that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (Phil. 3:10~11)” If I choose to be His follower and know Him in person, the fellowship of His sufferings seems to be inevitable. Just like the wicked and worthless men of David, we have the wicked and worthless in church. Perhaps we are one of them. Looking back upon my home groups in Shanghai and Singapore, I recall not all members were mature and Christ-like. Some were very self-centered, still loved the world, gossiped, backbit and complained, just like Eugene wrote. It didn’t seem that aging guarantees maturity. I think the Father wanted to teach me through David in Ziklag. In all honesty, I’ve imagined that I would have perfect spiritual friends in my future house church. Certainly, He would give me some, but not all of them would be congenial. Some might try to stone me, though not literally. Backstabbing, backbiting or lying about me, even after sharing meals at home. It even happened in my family. Then, why wouldn’t it happen in church? But, David’s story didn’t end there. Pastor David Guzik wrote in Enduring Word: “This is the final step in David’s getting things right after his time of backsliding among the Philistines. · David strengthened himself in the LORD his God. · David inquired of the LORD. · David believed God’s promise. · David did what God told him to do. · David showed unexpected care and kindness to others. · David saw it as the LORD’s victory. · David shared the reward with others. · David did what he could to mend relationships.” I found that in the life-threatening situation, David prayed. He listened to God. In the middle of pursing the enemy, David happened to meet an Egyptian who later helped David locate the enemy. “b. Then David said to him, “To whom do you belong, and where are you from?” David took a caring interest in this man. He showed simple care and kindness to a nobody. They didn’t just give this Egyptian food and water; they gave him care and kindness. c. I am a young man from Egypt, servant of an Amalekite…. we burned Ziklag with fire: In showing unexpected kindness to this Egyptian, God showed David unexpected blessing. The Egyptian promised to guide David to the camp of the Amalekites.” (From David Guzik’s Enduring Word) I found David had no ulterior motive when he extended grace and kindness toward this Egyptian. He was simply kind, as he was after God’s heart. Just like David, if we would be after His heart and have His kindness and meekness, we would unexpectedly see His providence and provision. Then, I also found very encouraging insight of David Guzik: “c. This is David’s spoil: God gave David even more than what He promised. He received spoil from the battle, beyond what was taken from Ziklag. This was a blessing straight from the grace of God.” At the end of the day, David recovered all his family as well as the family of 600 men, and he received spoil. Friend, I believe that God wanted to teach me and prepare my heart for the fellowship of His sufferings, in following our Lord, Jesus and making disciples. We will have 600 men of David, and Judas Iscariot in our church, the community whom we have meals together with at home. But, we strengthen ourselves in the Lord and learn from Him. “Generosity (David at the Brook Besor) Everything we have is a gift from God; we share it with who are saved by God” (I Samuel 30:23~25) … These are the men of Ziklag with nothing in their backgrounds to be proud of, all of them picked up from a disreputable life and brought, though no merit of their own, into the net of God’s providence and salvation. ... One of the reasons that Christians are dispersed in the world is to recover a life for others and practice a priesthood of all believers - connect with others in an earthy, Davidic compassion so thoroughly that no expert or professional can ever again bluff us into passivity or consumerism. David at the Brook Besor anticipates Jesus: ‘Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly’ (Matt. 11:28~30, The Message) (From Eugene Peterson’s Leap over a Wall)” Have a bliss! Julie Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you had or are having a good day today? Sometimes when I wrote blogs, I became afraid that I might give you the wrong impression that I would be a good Christian or live out what I wrote. So, I think I should write how bad I am and I have a lot to be desired in my journey with the Father. On October 8th this year, I had a short Me time in the cafe that I didn’t visit often for the past couple of years. It is known for bagels and cream cheese as well as coffee. Lactose intolerant, I decided to have coffee only. I enjoyed coffee in the window seat, with a thankful heart, looking at sparrows in the trees outside and beautiful sunlight. Later, I grabbed a simple lunch for mom and went to grocery shopping. I got persimmons on final sale at a good price, and other stuffs. On the cashier queue, I was the 3rd, and overheard the talk between the 1st customer and the cashier. The cashier asked her whether she wanted to use her points or part of her points in the payment. Then, the 1st customer said, “Part of my points were gone. What happened to my points?” She didn’t answer the cashier’s question as to whether she wanted to use her points or not. The cashier said, “Once you get points, you should use them up within 5 years. They’ll be expired and gone in 5 years. So, do you want to use your points now?” Then, she said, bluntly and a bit arrogantly, “I know. But, my 600 points were gone. I wanted to use them later. What happened?” She didn’t seem to understand the cashier’s explanation, and she asked the same question, not answering the cashier’s question on her points. It repeated three times. I got irritated. I looked at the other cashier line, but there was no cashier there. So, I had to keep waiting. Listening to her asking the same question again and again, but not answering the cashier’s question, I finally sighed. It was my passive expression both to her and the cashier: “I AM WAITING.” There were more customers behind me in the queue. So, finally, the cashier said, “Sorry, I can’t explain it again, as these customers are waiting.” I said to myself, as if I would say to the cashier, “Ignore her, please. If you were a teacher and a stupid student kept asking the same question again and again, not listening to you nor understanding you, you couldn’t explain to him or her over and over again. You should think of other students. It wastes others’ precious time!” Of course, the 1st customer was the stupid student in my imagination. Even when I was finally paying for my grocery to the cashier, I kept thinking of those unkind words. And even on my way home, I was still fuming and kept having unkind thoughts toward the customer. There was no thankful heart to the Father even though I got persimmons for mom at a surprisingly nice price. After dinner, mom seemed to feel like staying longer, watching TV in the living room. So, I decided to watch my favorite shows with her rather than read a book. Later she started to doze off and I sent her to her bedroom. I also went to my bedroom and chose to listen to Pastor John Fenn’s latest audio teaching on the book of James and 1 Peter. When I listened to his explanation on James 3:9~12, I came to understand the verses in a very different way: “With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.” I paraphrase his explanation that the verses on the untamable tongue is not just about speech, i.e. talking right. Rather James’ point is our consistency in our life, action, words, i.e. don’t live contrary to the spirit man once we become believers. It hit close to home. It simply reminded me of my grumbling and unkind thoughts toward the customer. Even though I didn’t say any bad words to her, my thoughts were unkind. My heart was unkind and arrogant. But our Father sees our heart, not our appearance. Seemingly, I was ok in the grocery store, despite the small sigh. But, my heart was not right. And I must have had my Lord leave His dwelling place in my heart at that moment, as it stank. Definitely my thoughts must have made Him uncomfortable. Yet, I was thankful for the Father’s timely teaching and correcting me. I immediately repented of my thoughts earlier on that day, with a thankful heart to Him. After repenting, I was a bit distracted, watching some of the news in YouTube, though I tried not to watch YouTube before sleep. Then, I came to see Pastor David Guzik’s video titled “The Searchinglamps of God (Zep. 1:12)” popped up. I thought it was perhaps I watched his recent video on Zep. 3:16~17 a few days back. And I wanted to watch this video on Zep. 1:12: “And it shall come to pass at that time That I will search Jerusalem with lamps, And punish the men Who are settled in complacency, Who say in their heart, ‘The Lord will not do good, Nor will He do evil.’” And David Guzik said (my paraphrase), “God didn’t use lamps to find an honest man, but to discover and uncover sin. … God sees through and through you and you can’t hide anything from God.” What a timely teaching it was. I knew God spoke to me through this video, too. Indeed, He uncovered my sin. The hidden sin in my heart that only He and I knew about. I realized that during the whole day, I didn’t even think back upon it and I didn’t even realize that I sinned in my heart until I listened to John Fenn’s teaching a few minutes back. Then, He also taught me on His searching lamps. He sees through and through me. I can’t hide anything from Him. And I can’t thank Him, enough. If He didn’t use that lamp, I would keep on living that way. And I thanked Him, as I felt He wants me to be clean without sins. It was the Father’s love to uncover my sin. He didn’t lay a guilt trip on me, but He wants me to be like our Lord, Jesus. And I also knew that He would still rejoice over me with gladness and singing and He will quiet me with His love, despite my fault. And the next morning, I will see His mercy & compassion is new. I was already forgiven. The next morning on my bed, I enjoyed beautiful sunlight and clouds in the sky and thanked Him for His new mercy. After breakfast, I wrote this down on my journal in the iclouds. Only then did I realize something and said to myself, “Oh, I missed talking to the Father in that very annoying moment in the grocery store. Only if I could turn my eyes unto Him at that moment, and vent my frustration and anger to Him, I could have been comforted by His words. I missed Him.” And I realized that I should closely pay attention to the Lord in my heart and talk to Him, not only at the happy moment in Me time, but even at the annoying moment. Friend, I’m glad in a sense that I could share my reality, my real self, today. I’m still learning. And I become more grateful to our Father, as He doesn’t give up on me, but patiently teaches me with His love. Hope this blesses you. Have a bliss! Julie My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, |
Archives
January 2025
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed