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Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’re well. In May this year, I had some errands to run in the morning, and I said to mom that I would be back in 2 hours. Then, like a child, she said, “Babe, I want to go with you. I will be scared, home alone.” I said to her, “Mom, where is Jesus?” She said, “In heaven.” I said, “Yes, He’s in heaven, but He’s also in your heart.” Then, her face was suddenly brightened. Smiling, she said, “In my heart!” I continued, “So, you shouldn’t feel scared, as Jesus is in your heart.” Coming back home after running the errands, I was grateful, as she was doing ok alone. Later in the evening, I thanked the Father and prayed to Him that she may never forget Jesus is in her heart. Since then, whenever I ask her where Jesus is, she smiles and touches my chest and then her chest, saying, “Here in your heart, and here in my heart.” God is good. She is forgetful yet she never forgets the truth, Christ in us! But my journey with mom who has dementia is not always smooth, though she is overall ok and happy. Sometimes, there is a hiccup. On July 14th, Sunday, I arranged a return with a vendor (Korean equivalent of Amazon), as they mistakenly shipped a box of damaged canned drink. The vendor’s delivery man was supposed to pick it up in the Sunday morning. So I put it in front of our door, and told mom not to take it back indoors, saying it should be returned. I put a note “To be returned” on top of the box, and told her a few times not to take it back, before going out to grab her lunch. Due to the hot and humid weather from early morning in July, I couldn’t have Me time outdoors so that I wanted to take some time alone in Burger King, drinking coffee and ordering mom’s favorite shrimp burger. Then, I got a text from the vendor that they would soon pick up the box, and I asked the Father that mom wouldn’t take the box back. After her burger was ready, I still wanted to stay longer in the store. Yet as I wanted to go to restroom, I decided to go back home. When I got home, I didn’t see the box in front of the door so that I thought the vendor picked it up. But, when I went to kitchen, I saw the box was there, and I got frustrated and angry. I said to mom, “Mom, I told you not to take the box back. It had to be returned.” My voice and tone said to her enough that I got angry. She said, “I’m sorry.” And I went to restroom, still fuming. Then, I felt as if the Father said the vendor didn’t come yet and everything would be alright. And He made me realize it’s devil’s using the circumstance. I thought of my prayer back in Burger King, and I realized I lost faith. Just as soon as I got out of the restroom, the vendor came and picked up the box. How accurate the Father’s timing was. If He didn’t make me want to go to restroom sooner, I would’ve stayed in BurgerKing for a little longer and missed the vendor. He’s in control. Yet, I lost faith, and temper, too. Then, early in the morning on July 17th, Wednesday, I looked at the window and saw it didn’t rain yet, unlike the weather forecast. During those rainy seasons, I wanted to have my daily routine with mom, i.e, going to cafe, before rains started. In addition, as I had to do laundry later on that day, I wanted to bathe mom and put her clothes and underwear in the washer. Usually, mom doesn’t like bath time, and she would say, “Babe, I don’t feel good today. I feel under the weather. No shower today.” She is like a child. In that morning, she also said that as usual. But strangely on that day, she resisted strongly, being stubborn, until I got angry. After a tug of war for a few minutes, I made her unclothe herself and walk into the shower. While being washed, she seemed to feel better and said to me, “Babe, I’m sorry that I was being stubborn.” As usual, I said to her, “Do you want to go to cafe, after shower?” Like a child, she was excited. And we had a great time in the cafe nearby. Later in the afternoon, I continued reading a Eugene Peterson’s book, As Kingfishers Catch Fire, and opened a new chapter, “Behold My Servant” on Isaiah 42:1~4. “Behold! My Servant whom I uphold, My Elect One in whom My soul delights! I have put My Spirit upon Him; He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles. He will not cry out, nor raise His voice, Nor cause His voice to be heard in the street. A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth. He will not fail nor be discouraged, Till He has established justice in the earth; And the coastlands shall wait for His law. (Isaiah 42:1~4)” He wrote, “The picture is of a true servant. He goes to work quietly and deferentially. He walks down the street and speaks in soft, conversational tones. There is no hard sell and no loud argument with anyone who chooses to deny or ignore him. In great gentleness he goes about his work. He will not break a “bruised reed”; a person who has little resistance will not be taken advantage of. A person who might seem like a pushover, “a dimly burning wick,” he will not coerce. There is no element of necessity or force in his approach. His servitude is total. … The way of the world is to use power and coercion to get things done; the way of the Christian is to use love, gentleness, and service to redeem the race.” His insight struck a chord with me silently, but loudly in my heart. It simply made me realize the way I treated my mom earlier on that day was totally different from our Lord’s. I broke a bruised reed and quenched a dimly burning wick, as I thought I’m in control, and mom is a pushover. Her brain doesn’t function well enough so that she should listen to me, whatever I say to her. But no! Our Lord is gentle and there is no push, no coercion. It was ok, if we had missed our daily routine. Nothing wrong with it. It was ok, if she had not wanted to be bathed. I could have waited until she wanted to. I should’ve waited and done laundry later. But everything was based on my need & my schedule, not on her feelings and want. I was thankful to the Father, as He gently taught me through the book just timely, but without condemnation. Later on Sep. 10th, Tuesday, perhaps 2 weeks after I resumed writing blogs. I had a short Me time on the bench in the Christian school campus, sipping hot caffe latte in my tumbler. I said to the Father, “Father, I enjoy writing blogs, ever since I resumed it.” I felt as if He were saying, “Yeah, I like you to write blogs.” I said, “But why didn’t You to tell me to write sooner, then?” “…” Then, I realized that He never pushes me. He never forces me to do anything, just like our Lord, Jesus. To Him, I would be a pushover, yet He didn’t use His power. He waits, and He respects my free will. He is that gentle and meek. I often recall the comment of the late pastor of my previous church in Seoul: “The Holy Spirit is a Gentleman. He never comes into us, if we won’t invite Him.” Unlike Him, demons barge in and come into people, without invitation. If we force or push others to do something, it’s either from our flesh (self) or from demons. Our Father and our Lord never do that. My journey with mom still leaves a lot to be desired, but I’m grateful for the Father’s lesson and helping me learn the character of our Father and our Lord. Friend, I hope this blessed you, and I pray that you and I become true servants, as our Lord showed us examples. Have a bliss! Julie If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. (John 13:14~17)  Dear Friend, How are you? Hope you’re well. In late June, this year, I began to have ME Time for about 30 minutes in a nearby Christian school campus and in the garden of an art museum. Exactly speaking, Me Time with the Father. Since last year, I was able to go out with mom to cafe, as she didn’t want to go to restroom frequently like every 5 min. I was thankful for having the coffee time with her, and I didn’t have a need for Me time, which I used to have a few years back for an hour or so in the nearby gardens of museums. In this June, as I found out a very cool spot in the Christian school campus, I wanted to have a short Me time. I would say to mom that I would go to grocery shopping or grab some lunch and be back in an hour. So, I would spend 30 minutes for grocery shopping or grabbing lunch, after having 30 minutes of Me time. And I was so blessed by the short Me time with the Father. Each time, I came back home, so refreshed, after looking at and listening to His beautiful creature. The spots where the school benches are probably the coolest in this town. On June 28th, I walked to the campus, excited to enjoy Me time soon. Then, I found out my favorite bench was vacant, but two benches apart, there was a homeless man sitting on a bench, touching his barefoot. I took a seat on my favorite bench, and my mind began to be busy: Should I give him something? I don’t have any cash right now. But I have my debit cards. Should I go to the convenience store behind me and grab something for him to eat? But I had an impression that the Father wanted me to focus on Him for 30 minutes I would have alone with Him. It would be precious 30 minutes. Though I can talk to Him 24/7, with Him living in my heart, I felt He wanted this time to be dedicated to Him. I was also reminded of some precious teachings I got from a Watchman Nee’s book, The Spiritual Man: “The purpose of divine salvation is to encourage us to deny our will and be united with Him. Right there lies a big mistake among modern Christians. They envisage spirituality to be joyous feeling or profound knowledge. They spend time craving various sensations or questing after mental knowledge of the Bible, for they regard these as highly superior. Meanwhile, acting upon their feelings and thoughts, they go about performing many good, grand and notable tasks which they believe must be quite pleasing to God. They do not comprehend, however, that He asks not how they feel or reason; He only seeks the union of their wills with His. His delight is in having His people desire what He desires and do what He says. Except for a believer's unconditional surrender to God with the believer disposed to accept His will entirely, all else which is labeled spirituality: such as holy and happy feelings or prizewinning thoughts: is but an outward show. Even visions, dreams, voices, sighings, zeal, work, activity, and toil are external. Unless the believer is determined in his volition to finish the course God has set before him, nothing is of any worth. If we are really united with God in will, we shall cease at once every activity which emerges from ourselves. Hereafter there can be no independent action. We are dead to self but alive to God. No longer do we act for Him under our impulse and according to our way. We act solely after we are moved by God. We are set free from every motion of self. Such union, in other words, is a change of center, a new beginning. In the past all activities focused on self and began with it; today everything is of God. He does not ask the nature of whatever we start; He simply inquires who started it. God discounts every element not yet freed from self, no matter how good it may appear to be.” When I read the Watchman’s writings, I repented of doing something even seemingly good out of my own feelings, not led by the Holy Spirit. We know that our Lord, Jesus healed many, and casted out demons, but He didn’t heal all He met. Even when there was a need of being healed and taught from the crowds, He walked away from them, in order to have a quiet time with our Father. He knew when the Father wanted Him to heal the sick and when He had to be withdrawn for the time alone with the Father. And I realized the thoughts in my mind a minute ago related to the homeless man was not from the Father, but from me, “self,” i.e. self-righteousness. I had an impression in my heart as though the Father said, “Just sit there, and enjoy My creatures. He (The homeless man) is one of them.” I was reminded of a few verses from Genesis 1 I read the other day, after I read the first chapter, “In the Beginning God Created” of the Eugene Peterson’s book: Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. And God said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and it was so. Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. (Genesis 1:26~31) I felt as though He tried to tell me that I wouldn’t see the homeless man as poor and me as rich or him as inferior and me as superior. I felt as if He tried to say “Enjoy My creatures just as they are. I made him in My image.” So, just from His perspective, we are all equal and we are all wonderfully and fearfully made. Just as I enjoy the privilege to take a seat on the bench and be refreshed by the breeze, he also has one. At that moment, he might want refreshment only, not money nor foods, just like I did. I had to take off my glasses, not to see him as a homeless man and me as a benefactor. So, I didn’t move from my bench, but stayed there. Then, with the cool breeze, I smelled the homeless man’s stink. But I didn’t move, to avoid the smell. I simply decided to enjoy His creatures for the moment. Interestingly enough, the Father also showed me an interesting-looking bug and a snail, which reminded me of “every creeping thing that creeps on the earth,” from Genesis. The creeping things, the homeless man and me. They are very good in His eyes. After a little while, the homeless man stood up and walked away. Only then did a thought come into my mind. If I had tried to give him foods out of my own thought or self-righteousness, he might have said something hostile to me (as some homeless people do). And there is no fruit, when we move out of our own wills, not being led by the Holy Spirit. I had peace all the while even when I didn’t do anything seemingly good, but simply enjoyed His creation, including cool breeze, blue sky with white clouds and beautiful sunlight, birds and the creeping things. More importantly, I enjoyed fellowshipping with my Father. A few days later, I came to read a Eugene Peterson’s book, Leap over a Wall. In a chapter titled Wilderness (David at En-Gedi), he wrote: “Everybody - at least everybody who has anything to do with God - spends time in the wilderness, so it’s important to know what can take place there. David didn’t choose to enter the wilderness; he was chased there. … But having been chased there, David found the wilderness a place of truth, a place of beauty, and a place of love. The years that David spent in the wilderness were some of the best years of his life. … When we’re in the wilderness, we aren’t in control, we have no assignment, no appointments to keep. Stay alert, stay alive - that’s it. When we’re in the wilderness, we commonly feel our lives simplifying and deepening. Many people, after a few days in the wilderness (sometimes after only a few hours), feel themselves to be more themselves, uncluttered and spontaneous. Very often, even though otherwise unaccustomed to it, they say the name God. There’s something wonderfully attractive about wilderness. … What I want to say is this: I readily acknowledge that this circumstantial wilderness is a terrible, frightening, and dangerous place; but I also believe that it’s a place of beauty. There are things to be seen, heard, and experienced in this wilderness that can be seen, heard, and experienced nowhere else…. In the wilderness we’re plunged into an awareness of danger and death; at the very same moment we’re plunged, if we let ourselves be, into an awareness of the great mystery of God and the extraordinary preciousness of life. … -another detail of God’s creation, God’s blessing. David didn’t see enough enemy; he saw the magnificent, albeit flawed, king of God and did obeisance. … David’s wilderness-trained eyes looked on Saul and saw not Saul the enemy but Saul the God-anointed. In the solitude and silence and emptiness of the wilderness, uncluttered and undistracted by what everyone else was saying and doing, David was able to see God’s glory where no one else could see it - in Saul.” It reminded me of the homeless man on the bench, and I felt the Father speaking to me through that book. Friend, I hope you take a breather in the midst of your busy day and enjoy His creation. I do not know whom and what you will encounter, during your break, but I know they are all His creation that He made and saw good. We all need the wilderness-trained eyes just like David’s. And more importantly, we meet our Creator in our wilderness time or ME time. Hope this blesses you. Have a bliss! Julie O Lord, how manifold are Your works! Dear Friend, How are you? The first chapter, In the Beginning God Created, of the Eugene Peterson’s book “As Kingfishers Catch Fire” enlightened me about something related to The Apollo 8 spacecraft: “A little more than a year ago, three men were orbiting the moon in a space capsule. It was Christmas Eve, and they took turns reading Genesis 1, the opening chapter of the Bible: ‘In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth,’ a most magnificent choice of texts for Christmas Eve. The Apollo 8 spacecraft was transformed momentarily into a Jewish/Christian pulpit. Man’s most impressive technological achievement to date was absorbed in the declaration of God’s creative act. Apollo, the most dashing of the pagan Greek gods, bowed down in worship to ‘God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.’” I’ve watched the Apollo 8’s landing on the moon quite many times on TV, and heard of it in school. But, it was new to me that the astronauts read part of Genesis, giving credit to our Creator for what He deserves. I even searched the video of that precious moment in YouTube, before I wrote this. I became emotional, when my own ears listened to Genesis’ being read. But, I was even more emotional when I read the 1st chapter of this Eugene’s book. Most of the time, when I read his books, I felt the Lord speaking to me through his books. Just as God used the donkey to speak to Balaam, I found out He uses what I’m reading or watching or listening to. In this chapter, learning those astronauts worshiped Him and gave credit to Him for what’s due, I simply burst into tears. If the Apollo 8’s landing happened these days, would they still have an astronaut or astronauts who acknowledged the Creator of the universe? I doubt not, as people get evil by the minute. They know there is God, who created this universe, yet they don’t want to glorify Him nor thank Him, just like the Bible says: “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and changed the glory of the incorruptible God into an image made like corruptible man—and birds and four-footed animals and creeping things. (Rom. 1:20~23)” Imagine that you wrote a book or a song or you painted an amazing artwork, but someone says he or she created it, not acknowledging your work. Imagine that you proposed a great idea to your coworkers, but they took advantage of it, to promote themselves as if it were their own ideas rather than gave you credit and acknowledged you. How would you feel? But many don’t glorify God for His creation, nor thank Him. They thank or fear what they call Mother Nature rather than God, the Creator, our Father. I felt they are fortunate, as God is not like me. If I were Him, I would have smashed them earlier. But, He suffers long. That’s His character. And I thought of His mercy and kindness: “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. (Matt. 5:44~45) I simply became emotional, thinking of His characters; being kind and merciful even to the evil and the unjust. I said to Him “How could you put up with these so long?” “….” And I felt He wants us to be like Him. Long-suffering and merciful. Then, on last Friday, I received an email with Pastor John Fenn’s weekly thoughts from his ministry, and part of it made me think of the Father’s character: “Look at how you got saved ‘Everyone who has heard the Father, and been taught by Him, comes to me.’ ‘....for flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but my Father in heaven.’ ‘That the Father...will give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in knowing Him, that the eyes of your understanding would be enlightened.’ John 6:45, Matthew 16: 16-17, Ephesians 1:17-19 All this comes directly from the Father via His Spirit which is Holy. Everyone who is born again has heard and learned from the Father in direct revelation. He is so humble though, that He doesn’t announce Hey this is God who created you, the Head of the universe asking you to think about ‘is there more’ and ‘why am I here’ and ‘do I have a purpose in life.’ The Father is so humble He just submits questions that stir our heart to make us think. Jesus, just like His Father, is also meek and lowly of heart.” While writing the draft of this blog, I thought of His long-suffering and kindness. And now I learned that He didn’t boast that He made everything and didn’t show Himself off as Creator. Our Father and our Lord Jesus are meek and lowly in heart. If we made something on our own, we would advertise it with pride, and want acknowledgment and approval from others. Our Father and our Lord created the entire universe! Not just AI or paintings or music, but the universe and everything in it, including you and me. Yet, they don’t boast, but they are meek and humble. Friend, I pray that you and I always praise Him for His creation and thank Him. May we be like Him, enduring long, not being provoked, merciful and kind even to the evil, and meek and lowly in heart. Have a bliss! Julie O Lord, how manifold are Your works! Dear Friend, How are you? Earlier this year, in February, my niece called me to discuss something, and then she said, “By the way, I had a dream about you. In the dream, there were Julia Roberts and Emma Roberts. In reality, they are aunt and niece. And I knew in the dream that Emma was me. So it means Julia Roberts was you. And when I woke up from the dream, the three digits on my watch were the same number as your birthday.” Our dreams are from one of the three sources: God, us or devil. Somehow, I felt it was from the Lord, like my niece thought. I asked her to tell me more about the dream, but after listening to it, I didn’t think the story of the dream itself was not the point. I felt He was trying to tell me something related to the person, Julia Roberts. So I googled and read wikipedia on her, her movies, etc. Yet I didn’t get anything that tells me “That’s it! That’s what He was trying to say!” So playing hide and seek with Him continued. The next morning, I sat on mom’s bed, looking at the garden of a Christian high-school through the window. I asked the Father to help me find out what He was trying to say, through that Julia Roberts dream. And I spent some time, praying and singing in tongues. Then, it dawned on me that last year or so I had a dream where Maria of “Sound of Music” was me and the name of the actress for Maria is Julie Andrews. So, I got to realize He gave me a new name, Julia or Julie! As some of you know, Yunee is not my real name, but pen-name. My English name in the company was two initial letters of my Korean name. But sometimes, people pronounced it wrong. And an American said, “What kind of name is that?” (I wasn’t offended, though.) And in Starbucks or some other stores in the USA, when store employees ask guests’ names, often times, I had to repeat my name, as it’s not common and some of them didn’t catch it first time. So I used to use my family name, Lee, which is easier for them. So, I wish that maybe I would have a new name. When I read the Scripture, “He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it, (Rev. 2:17)” I once thought to myself, “Would the Father give me a new name, too?” We know that there were several people that God gave new names. And they changed their names: Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, Saul to Paul. Of course, there are many more who didn’t receive and change their names like Issac, Samuel, David, John, etc. Receiving a new name doesn’t mean God prefers the recipient of it. No respect of persons with Him. I felt He gave me a new name, as He knows my heart’s desire (I wanted to have a name that starts with J, like my Korean name.) and maybe He wants to show me I’m in a new season. And I did wonder whether He would give me a new name, when I read the stories on Abraham, Sarah, Peter and so forth. Then, I became curious about what the name, Julia or Julie means, and thought He wouldn’t randomly give me that name. There must be a meaning to it. So, when I searched the meaning of the name, I came to find and read “It means ‘The Highest God.’” Just at the moment when I read it, a song “He Who Dwells” played out from my iPad and its lyrics were from Psalm 91:1~2, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High…” I was in awe. I didn’t take the name, Julia or Julie as something blasphemous, but I immediately thought of the verses that God wrote down His name on the foreheads of 144,000 Jews in the Revelation. Revelation 14:1 “Then I looked, and behold, a Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with Him one hundred and forty-four thousand, having His Father’s name written on their foreheads.” Isaiah 44:5 “One will say, ‘I am the LORD’s’; Another will call himself by the name of Jacob; Another will write with his hand, ‘The LORD’s,’ And name himself by the name of Israel.” I felt as if the Father said to me, “You’re Mine!” And I recalled His saying to me last year, “As you’re Mine, wouldn’t I care for you? No worry.” I said to Him with thanks-giving, “Father, I think You gave me this new name, Julia or Julie, through that dream. But, would You please confirm it?” Still in awe, I opened my iPad and wrote all of these down in my journal. Then, it dawned on me that the song on Psalm 91 “He Who Dwells” played out a few minutes ago was sung by a singer named “Julie True!” LoL! His sense of humor. As always, He made me amazed and amused. Friend, do you know that our Father has several names?
I think names are important to us as well as to our God and Father. Our Lord, Jesus has His Own Name, and in His name, we heal the sick and cast out demons. His name has power and authority. And names are eternal, whether we receive a new name in Heaven or not. The New Jerusalem has the names of 12 tribes of Israel, i.e. the names of Jacob’s children, and the names of 12 apostles of our Lord: “Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.” And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal. Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west. Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. (Rev. 21:9~14)” And names are personal. If you call someone by name, you have some kind of relationship with that person. God calls us by name. He doesn’t call us Creature no. 1, Human Beings no. 3, etc. But He calls us by name, “Julie, I know you. I made you. And I love you.” He knows us by name, and He longs for relationship. And do you want to know Him by His Names that show His character? Friend, speaking of the new name, I changed my name from my pen-name, Yunee to Julie here on this website. Going forward, I would use my new name, as it’s so precious and I love it so much. And no matter what our names are, we are all His, the Most High’s. I hope this blesses you. Have a bliss! Julie :) He counts the number of the stars; |
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