Am I My Brother's Keeper?

Dear Friend,
How are you? Hope you are well. Here it’s still cold, yet I feel spring is around the corner. Birds are chirping and flying cheerfully as if they knew spring is near.

On the last week of January this year, I was supposed to share a word in the monthly zoom meeting with my pastor in Singapore and some other members.  As January started, I thought what I should share in the meeting and sought the Lord about it. And I had the impression in my heart that the Father wants me to share my personal story, related to my half sister, the oldest sister, though it might be challenging. I didn’t want to villainize her, nor wanted to share what she did to me down to the last detail. 

In last December, when my sister and brother-in-law were in town and looked after mom, I enjoyed me time, writing a journal in a cafe, my talk to the Father.  I think it was a day after Christmas. I wrote to Him whether I can keep some distance from the oldest sister and even from her children going forward. Since an accident back in the summer 2023, when I had to confront her to stop her from violating my boundary, she didn’t text me. She made an apology to me on that day in the summer, but I was certain that she was offended. Before that, she used to text me once in a while to ask how mom and I were doing, but since then, she didn’t. I also didn’t want to send her any courtesy text message for New Year, Christmas or her birthday. I thought to myself, “Why should I send her a text, while she didn’t even say hello to her own mother on her birthday, Parents’ Day, and so on?” We didn’t talk to one another for a long time, and I liked it. Yet I still heard from my sister in California what the oldest sister did and said, when they met in the USA in the last summer. The oldest sister’s story simply made me disgusted and angry. In addition, I was not happy with her daughter, my niece’s attitude and so forth. So, I used to say to my sister in California, “I went all out for niece and nephew, and their mother knows it very well. I did my best. And I still do, if niece texts me to ask something. But, I don’t want to go extra miles for them. The oldest sister is our half sister, not even full sister. I set my boundary for sure.”
So, on December 26th last year, I just said to the Father whether I could keep some distance from the whole family of the oldest sister, with a smiling emoticon in the journal. Then, the very next day, my pastor in Singapore texted an audio message, the word for 2025 in our zoom meeting group chat. He shared his own voice message that he felt was from the Lord for 2025. And he talked about relationships! And I felt that the Father replied to my question in the cafe the other day so soon. And the next day, December 28th, Saturday, I went to a cafe for the time with the Father. I wrote in my journal, “Father, You answered me through Pastor Chua, didn’t You? Father, I want to obey You. Please change my heart, to be like Jesus. But, I want to set my boundary, like Jerusalem walls.” Then, I had an impression in my heart, as if He said that He would not force me, nor push me to do something that I don’t want to. He reminded me of Eugene Peterson’s writing :
“Behold! My Servant whom I uphold,
My Elect One in whom My soul delights!
I have put My Spirit upon Him;
He will bring forth justice to the Gentiles.
He will not cry out, nor raise His voice,
Nor cause His voice to be heard in the street.
A bruised reed He will not break,
And smoking flax He will not quench;
He will bring forth justice for truth.
He will not fail nor be discouraged,
Till He has established justice in the earth;
And the coastlands shall wait for His law. (Isaiah 42:1~4)”
The picture is of a true servant.  He goes to work quietly and deferentially.  He walks down the street and speaks in soft, conversational tones.  There is no hard sell and no loud argument with anyone who chooses to deny or ignore him.  In great gentleness he goes about his work.  He will not break a “bruised reed”; a person who has little resistance will not be taken advantage of. A person who might seem like a pushover, “a dimly burning wick,” he will not coerce. There is no element of necessity or force in his approach.  His servitude is total.
…
The way of the world is to use power and coercion to get things done; the way of the Christian is to use love, gentleness, and service to redeem the race. (From Eugene Peterson’s As Kingfishers Catch Fire)”
I am a pushover, yet He won’t break nor quench me, as He is meek and gentle. And the Father reminded me that the yoke of Jesus is easy:
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28~30)

Then, in January 2025, when I was still thinking of how I would share the story on the oldest sister, I received a text message from her, to my amazement. She sent one simple text, “How are you and mom doing?” Then, in a couple of days, my niece also texted me to say:
“I wanted to say sorry for venting to you too much about mom, especially when you were dealing with your own experiences related to her. It wasn’t wise for me to do that because of how sensitive all the dynamics were. Especially when we both had unaddressed traumas from the past. I’m sorry if my doing so triggered more hurt for you, and for having talked about her so endlessly every single time when we met and even by text. Sorry.”
I felt they were not coincidence, but He orchestrated everything.

Then, one morning, when I was still lingering on my bed, half awake, I was reminded of the teaching that my Singaporean elder in Shanghai home group shared in one Friday evening. He said something like (I paraphrase from my recollection) that the book of Genesis starts with Cain’s murdering his own brother:
Cain Murders Abel
Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?”
He said, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Gen. 4:9)

Then, the elder went on to say that the book of Genesis ends with Joseph’s story, answering Cain’s question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”:
Joseph Reassures His Brothers
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “Perhaps Joseph will hate us, and may actually repay us for all the evil which we did to him.” So they sent messengers to Joseph, saying, “Before your father died he commanded, saying, ‘Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.” ’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him. Then his brothers also went and fell down before his face, and they said, “Behold, we are your servants.” 
Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Gen. 50:15~19)
I knew the Father reminded me of the story that I heard about a decade ago, when half awake, and I was amused by His sense of humor, when I read Joseph’s story. I often said to my sister in California, who is my full sister, blood sister, that the oldest sister is simply a half sister and that I don’t want to be bothered by that half sister any more.” I wanted to emphasize that she is not my pure blood family. But then through Joseph’s story, the Father reminded me that Joseph was not only kind to Benjamin, his full brother, but also to his half brothers, step brothers, who even wanted to kill him. He was merciful to the evil half brothers. The Father knows best which story in the Bible would strike a chord with each one of us in every circumstance.

Finally, on last Monday of January, I shared all of these with the brethren in my zoom meeting. They appreciated my sharing personal story, and they prayed for the oldest sister. One brother said that we do not know what the oldest sister went through in her childhood and youth. We prayed together for healing & deliverance and blessings over her. And I was thankful to the Father, as the prayer changed my heart. I do not mean that I became emotional and wanted to call or text her to say I love her. But, I felt the Father loves her just like He loves me so much. And certainly, there must be a lot of stories in her youth that I do not know.

Then, the next week, Feb. 5th was the oldest sister’s birthday. On that day, I still didn’t want to text her. Thankfully, the Father didn’t push nor force me. Rather He gave me a heart to pray for her.  I didn’t pray for her enough. But on that day, I prayed for His blessings over her. And I was grateful to Him. I felt that the Father wouldn’t say, “You would be punished, unless you say hi to her often.” No. He wouldn’t force me. Perhaps I may still touch-base with her less frequently than before and I would certainly continue to maintain my boundary that she should respect. I would not feel emotional for the love toward her, as love & forgiveness are not about warm and fuzzy feeling toward someone. I already chose to forgive her and to surrender to the Lord, having His yoke upon me.

Friend, I’m still learning and I’m in work-in-process to be molded as the Father wishes. I do not know whether my story would resonate with you. No matter what, I pray that you and I take His yoke upon us and learn from Him, as He is meek and lowly in heart.
​
Have a bliss!
Julie

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also. (1 John 4:17~21)